What If
by Maggie05
Summary: What If tells the story of what happens when the Cullens never return to Forks. Bella discovers hope of true love still exists in her one true friend. What If begins four years after the Cullens left and then goes back to tell the story of Bella and Jake.
1. Chapter 1

Edward's POV:

I knew Alice would see me coming home and she would tell the other. I could already hear their welcoming remarks and see their joyful expressions. Carlisle and Esme would be overjoyed and willing to welcome me back with open arms. Jasper and Emmett would be pleased to have me home as well. Alice would want to know what took so long. Even Rosalie would be pleased to see me come home; though, she might not be willing to openly admit it, but I would still know.

I wondered what they would think of my decision to return to Forks; to bring Bella back into our lives. Who was I kidding? As if it was in any way my decision. As if she would even want me after all this time, after what I'd done to her. It was silly to think that after four years Bella would still even think of me in that way. It did not matter what they thought now. I was going back for her no matter what they said.

I had to be with her, to be near her again. If she didn't want me, if she had moved on with her life, that would be fine. But I had to know. I had to at least try. I could still see the pained look in her eyes the day I left her standing there in the woods. I was sure it would kill me, to do what I had done to her that day, to turn around and leave her standing there alone, to make her believe the blackest of lies: that I no longer loved her, and that she was no good for me. What insanity! And how easily she believed me broke my heart even more. The memory of her face, the hurt I had caused her, has tortured me ever since that day. Like a fire burning inside me bursting to get out, but only getting hotter instead of dying out. My "distractions" had done me no good. No matter what I tried all I could think about was her.

It wasn't far now, and I knew soon enough I would begin to hear their thoughts, hear them preparing for my return. I was more anxious to get home now as I thought on this and I quickened my pace. I could feel each snow flake blow past me and tickle my face now as I ran back to the house in Denali.

I could hear their thoughts now as I approached the house. Carlisle was reading a book aloud to Esme. _Anne of Avonlea_, one of her favorites. Rosalie was impatiently watching Emmett and Jasper in yet another wrestling match. None of them even seemed to be aware that I was approaching. Where was Alice? Her thoughts were no where to be heard in the house. Had she not seen me coming home? What could be so pressing on her mind that she had missed this? Perhaps she was away, visiting friends elsewhere. That was unlikely, since Jasper did not go with her. I would find out soon enough.

I stepped through the door and Emmett's eyes were the first I met.

_Edward?_ he thought to himself as though he didn't believe his own eyes. I smiled at him and was surprised how excited and happy it made me feel to see him. I had missed my family. _I don't believe it, are you really home?!_

"Edward!" Emmett shouted in his deep, husky voice. Jasper stopped mid punch and turned to gaze the door where I stood, disbelief on his face. _I don't believe it!_ He thought eagerly.

Rosalie's head snapped up staring fiercely in my direction. For once her thoughts were silent with shock.

I could hear the confusion in Carlisle and Esme's thoughts as they hurried to the living room to see what the commotion was about. Esme stopped in her hurried steps when she saw me.

"Edward?" she gasped. If tears could fill her soft golden eyes they would have. I felt the intense ache of what I had done to her rip through my body. It was agonizing. It was almost as excruciating as what Jane could do with just a glimpse in one's direction. The excitement and love in Esme's thoughts couldn't console the guilt I felt now for leaving my family for so long. It was wrong what I had done to them.

"Edward!" Carlisle greeted me with a big hug, wrapping his arms around me so firmly. "Welcome home, son!"

"Thanks, dad." I hugged him back tightly.  
Esme wrapped her fragile like arms around me and kissed me tenderly on the cheek.

"Edward, I'm so delighted you are home." She said with a tear in her voice.

All I could do is smile at her.

Emmett shoved through the others wrapping both arms around me, lifting me up into the air and squeezed me so tight that it would have crushed my bones, if they could be crushed.

"Hey, eh, Emmett." I coughed out. If I needed to breath I wouldn't be able to through his firm grip. He chuckled to himself. _Oh, sorry, kiddo! _He thought, setting me back on my feet.

Jasper nodded his head at me, _Hey man, missed you. _

"I missed you to, Jasper." I said.

Rosalie was standing next to Emmett still glaring at me, her mind still drawing a blank.

"Are you really home, Edward?" she asked skeptically.

I nodded at her.

"It's good to finally have you home Edward." She said genuinely. I could hear the sincerity in her thoughts. Even she had truly missed me.

I felt elated at seeing all their faces. I had missed them all so much and it was good to be home, for a little while, at least.

"Where is Alice?" I said, remembering her absence. Jasper's jaw tightened and I saw a flash of something familiar in his mind before he quickly changed his thoughts to something else. I starred at him confused for a moment and then realized he was doing this to hide something from me. Quickly I scanned through the others thoughts. Emmett's thoughts immediately began churning over the wrestling match he'd just been in with Jasper. Rose began retuning her car in her head. Esme and Carlisle did the same as Jasper by strongly focusing on something other than the question I had just asked to keep me from seeing something in their minds. I starred at all of them so confused. Why were they keeping this from me? As soon as the words had left my mouth I felt a wave of calming emotions whoosh over me emanating from Jasper. That's strange. Before I had a chance to question further Jasper answered. "Alice has gone to visit an old friend." He stated assuredly. I starred deep into his eyes to see if it could help me penetrate through his mind to see if he was telling me the truth, but he was still blocking me out.

Esme, changing the subject, began ushering me into the living room. "Oh Edward, it's been so long!" she said sadly, giving me a slight hug as we entered the large, white room. "Where have you been all this time? What have you been doing?" Everyone followed us into the living room and they all quietly starred at me waiting for my answers. I wanted to answer them and tell them everything. But the way they all acted when I asked about Alice had me distracted. I stuttered over my words.

"I've…um… been working on my…um…skills as a tracker." I said.

What had I just seen in Jasper's mind before he changed his thought? It was so familiar, why couldn't I pin point what it was? A room with blank walls, all white. Tables set out symmetrically throughout the plain room and a buffet of food; a cafeteria perhaps? We had been in so many different cafeterias over the years pretending to be students. But this cafeteria looked more familiar than most.

"Edward!" Esme gasped with concern in her voice. I shot her a comforting look. Of course she would worry for me.

"Alright!" Emmett burst out enthusiastically.

I knew he would be thrilled to hear my stories of trying to track down Victoria. I had even looked forward to telling them to him knowing how eager he would be to hear them.

I was still too preoccupied by the thought in Jasper's head to really hear what they were saying to me. I replayed the quick image over and over in my head trying to figure it out. Who would Alice be visiting from an old school we had been to? We had never made friends with any of the humans at any of the schools we attended. We always stayed a safe distance away from the humans. Except for one. Suddenly it hit me. Forks High School. The cafeteria at Forks High School. I would always remember it because it was the first place I saw her face. Alice was in Forks. And the only friend she had made there was Bella.

"Forks?" I said, hardly a whisper. Why would Alice be in Forks? Just the thought triggered an inkling of fury in me. Had I not asked all of them to stay away from Forks? To stay away from Bella!

Everyone in the room heard me and froze in place.

"Alice, is in Forks?" I asked, although I didn't need them to confirm it. The way their minds reacted to this very statement assured me that was where she was.

"Why?!" I demanded.

"Edward," Carlisle said firmly. "Come have a seat Edward, and we will talk. We have much to discuss."

"Why is Alice in Forks?" I demanded, fighting back the growl that was building in my throat.

_Oh, here goes the temper tantrum! _Rosalie thought sourly.

_Calm down, bro._ Emmett pleaded.

Jasper was still fighting the thoughts in his head to keep from me Alice's reason for being in Forks.

Why were they keeping this from me? Why had Alice even gone there? Not that it mattered much now since I would soon be going to Forks myself to beg for the love of my meaningless life to take me back. But why had Alice done this? How long had she been gone to Forks? I tried to reason for her. Just because she was in the one town we could all truly call our home didn't necessarily mean she was there for Bella. Of course, it didn't mean that at all. Bella could possibly not even be in Forks anymore. It had been four years. She had likely moved on with her life. My dead heart ached at the thought. But Jasper had said she had gone to visit an old friend. And I couldn't think of anyone she knew in Forks that she would have visited. But just to give her the benefit of the doubt I would ask.

"Had Alice gone to visit Bella?" I said a little more calmly.

When I said her name Esme slipped. I saw Bella's face in her mind and Alice sitting next to her. My eyes shot to Esme's where she stood starring at me apologetically. Her mind was full of regret and sorrow, I couldn't understand why. She could tell by my glare that I hadn't missed her slip.

"Edward," she whispered with such sadness in her tone it would have drawn a tear if I could cry. _I always thought you'd come back for her, too, Edward._

Of course Esme thought that. It pleased her so much to see me with Bella. From the day she met her she thought of Bella as her own daughter. What did she mean by "too"? I glared at her statement while everyone turned to stare at our private conversation. I could hear Carlisle begging her in his mind not to say more.

"But that's just it, Esme. I'm back because of Bella. I'm here because I am going to Forks to ask, to beg, Bella to take me back." I stated. I could hear the shock in all their minds now.

_Oh, you've got to be kidding me!_ Rosalie snarled.

_Edward, after all this time, really? _I could hear Emmett's disapproval.

"Edward, you can't do that." Carlisle said sternly.

I starred into Carlisle eyes hoping it would better allow him see and hear the desperation in my words. "I have to try, Carlisle. I can't go on living like this. It's not even living what I'm doing. I _need_ to be with her." I pleaded, needing his understanding.

"I know that, Edward. I can't imagine how hard all these years have been for you. But you cannot do this, Edward. It's been too long. It's…it's too late." He said remorsefully.

My heart sank in my chest at his words. I knew he meant well, but I couldn't allow that to stop me. Not after all this time.

"I know how long it's been, and I realize she might not feel that way for me anymore, but…" Esme's thought stopped me mid sentence.

_She's finally happy now, Edward._

I stared at Esme. Had I heard her right? What did she mean by that? "What?" She starred back at me with the most aggrieved look in her eyes. What weren't they telling me? What could possibly upset Esme so much cause her to have that dreadful look in her eyes? I want to go to her, wrap my arms around her and comfort her, but I didn't know what for.

"Oh, for goodness sake, just tell him already!" Rosalie shouted impatiently.

The room fell silent; silent of words, silent of thoughts, silent of even our breath. No one dared breathe or even think. What was going on?! Finally, Carlisle broke the silence with a sigh, looking at me with the same sadness in his eyes as Esme's and spoke, his voice laced with agony.

"She's getting married, Edward."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Tears of Angel

Edward's POV

The whole room began spinning around me. I felt sick, if a vampire could get sick. The emotions running through me now were even more unbearable than the past four miserable years. I fell to my knees and even though I didn't need to breathe it felt like my breath had been knocked out of me. I pressed my hands against the floor trying to hold myself up. I could hear all the panic going on around me, as my family tried to discern what to do or say to comfort me.

"Edward!" Esme gasped with worry reaching out for me, but unsure if touching me would really help or worsen my condition.

_Oh, good grief! Here we go with the temper tantrum! Such a two year old, Edward, seriously!_ Rosalie thought smugly.

_Edward, bro, you okay? Get a grip!_ Emmett thought with more concern than frustration.

I could feel Jasper emanating calming emotions over me, but it didn't help. I was beyond help.

I hated letting them see me like this. This is why I had left in the first place. Not only was it hard enough to live with three perfectly matched, blissfully happy couples, but I knew I would be a complete mess without Bella. I would be falling apart constantly and I couldn't bare for them to have to witness my self destruction. But I couldn't do anything about it now. I was falling apart in front of them and there was nothing neither they nor I could do about it. I couldn't move. My body was unwillingly frozen in place as I gasped for air my lungs didn't need. I was certain this must be what dying felt like; a slow, tormenting, agonizing pain ripping me apart from the inside out. Bella was getting married, and I would lose her forever. She had moved on, just as I had intended, but it still tormented me. How could I have hoped she would have waited all this time? Hadn't I told her I was never coming back, that she would never see me again? She had done what any other human girl would have done, she moved on. I swallowed back the acid building in the back of my throat.

I fought to pull myself together. When I decided to come back I had known this was a possibility. I had thoroughly considered it. Hell, I had even expected it. I realized that deep down I had hoped that she waited, maybe knowing herself that I couldn't stay away and would come back for her. Could I honestly expect her not to have fallen in love with someone after all this time? How selfish was I? To hope after all this time, after what I put her through and then expect her to still be waiting around for me to come back. This was what I had wanted, right? This was the entire reason I left, so she could go with a normal life with no more interference from a lifeless, dangerous vampire. I had resolved with myself if that were the case, if she had moved on with her life, then I would leave her be, I wouldn't interfere. I would only go back if I knew there was a possibility she could still love me. How could she still love me? After all this time, how could I have hoped she would still feel that way for me? I couldn't think clearly. So the next question that came out of my mouth spilled out of my lips before I could stop it.

"Who?"

Why did it matter who? It was probably no one I knew anyway. It was certainly none of my business. It made no difference who it was. Who was beside the point. Perhaps it was still the dire need I felt to protect her. Even if that meant protecting her from an unsuitable, unworthy boy who could never love her the way I loved her. Still, she had chosen him. She had said yes to him. She had moved on and I swore to myself that if she had then I would let her be happy. I couldn't kill this insignificant boy that she chose to spend the rest of her life with, though I really wanted to.

_Edward, I don't think that really matters._ Carlisle thought cautiously.

"It matters to me! I just want to know who. Please, just tell me." I pleaded with him. Carlisle was right. It was likely to only make things worse. What if it was someone I knew? What if it were that pathetic excuse for a human being Mike Newton? Would I be able to maintain enough self control to not kill someone as unworthy as Mike Newton?

Carlisle exchanged a wary look with Esme and she nodded her head at him. _Tell him. _She approved. "Let's talk in my office." He said leading the way. I followed him down the long hall to his study. It had been so long since we had lived here in Denali. Second only to Forks, it was the closest thing we had to a real home.

Only Esme followed us. I was glad Carlisle had excused us. I was tired of trying to tune out Rosalie's spiteful thoughts and trying to shake off Jasper's calm. It didn't take her Rosalie long to return to her normal ways. One pleasant, selfless thought was more than enough for her for one day…or one week even. I couldn't blame any of them for their concern and confusion. None of them would ever be able to understand the way I felt about Bella. But at least my family, with the exception of Rose, were willing to accept what they didn't understand, what they never could understand. That Bella was my life, whether she moved on with some undeserving, feeble human boy or not. It didn't change anything. I still would always need her in my life. I would still have this undying need to be near her, to be her "guardian angel" as she once called me. I guess it would be more bearable to let her move on if I knew she was happy and being well taken care of. Thus, why it was so important, why I needed to know, why I had to know who this boy was; or at least that's what I told myself.

Carlisle shut the door behind us and I could hear him struggling in his head where to start. At the beginning he decided. I could tell he was struggling with what he needed to say, he didn't want to hurt me.

"Edward, after you left, well, Bella became severely depressed." he paused for a moment to stare into my eyes trying to see how I was taking his news. I wanted to cringe. Hearing that I had been the cause of so much pain in Bella's life made me want to rip my skin off. It was unthinkable to hurt someone as precious as she. But I kept myself composed. When I didn't change my expression Carlisle continued. "Her father was terribly concerned. The doctors were telling him she was catatonic. Charlie felt helpless; he was going to send her back to live with her mother."

"Stop right there, Carlisle." I interrupted him with irritation. "How do you know this?"

I knew there was only one way they could know such things, but I was going to make him say it.

"Alice." He stated, waiting for my rebuff.

"Why was Alice keeping tabs on Bella? I specifically told her not to!" I shouted, becoming more angry.

"I know, Edward. But she couldn't help it. Even if she tried not to, and she really did try, she wanted to honor your request, Edward. She was too attune to Bella. It just came to her without her trying. After Alice saw how awfully Bella was managing she intentionally kept an eye on her. She was just concerned for her, we all were."

I could hear the honesty in his words and I understood. They loved her too. I couldn't blame them for caring and being concerned. As angry as I wanted to be with them, I couldn't. How could anyone not feel that way about Bella? It crushed me to hear how terribly she handled me leaving. It ripped me apart inside what I did to her. I struggled to hold myself together. I nodded at Carlisle to continue afraid if I spoke I would loose my composure.

"We never went back to Forks, we never bothered her. Bella was never aware we were keeping tabs on her." he hesitated before continuing, taking a deep breath. "Even after Alice saw Bella jump off a cliff into the ocean." If my heart was still beating it would have stopped. Again, I gasped desperately for air I didn't need and I could feel myself loosing control again. "No." was all I could manage to whisper.

"Alice thought she was dead." He said with a heavy heart. I could see how it pained him to even remember it.

"No!" I shouted trying harder not to loose it. I could feel the tremors rocking through my body as I struggled to hold myself together. I wanted to fall to my knees again. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry. Dang my emotionless eyes for not being able to relieve me of just one tear!

"Bella never resurfaced." I could see the memory replaying in his head as Alice told them what she had seen. I could even feel the dreadful sorrow he felt when she told him this. "Alice wanted to go to her, to stop it from happening, but it was too late. Bella drowned, Edward." _And she begged you to let her do it when she died. _He thought in a side. He couldn't bring himself to say it aloud. And I could tell he really did not even want to think it.

What was he saying to me? How could it be? How could Bella be dea…I couldn't bring myself to even think the word. I almost fleeted from the room wanting to run away again. Run until the pain stopped, though I was sure it never would, but I just stood there frozen, unable to move. There had to be another part to this story. Bella was alive, she was getting married. She had to have survived it, but how? And what did he mean she begged me to let her drown? If I had been there would she honestly think I would just let her die? I searched Carlisle head for more. I had to know she was ok, I had to know how she survived.

"What happened?" I begged.

"He saved her." He? He who?!

"Who? Who saved her? How!?" I demanded.

"Jacob Black. He pulled her lifeless body from the water and performed CPR on her until he was able to revive her. He saved her, Edward. She died, and he saved her." I didn't have to be able to read minds to understand the duel meaning in his last words. Yes, Bella had died physically, but she had died emotionally too. I killed her. I left to save her and I killed her anyway.

I let my face fall to my hands and I groaned into them. I wanted to rip my hair out and I balled my hand into fists as I wept a tearless sob into my palms.

"Oh Edward," Esme whispered placing her soft hands on mine as she gently tried to untangle my hands from my hair. She was so loving and sensitive. I was a murderer yet she was still willing to love me and comfort me. I should be comforting them for all I had put them through. Carlisle continued.

"Jacob was her friend. He was the only person she could stand to be around, the only person who would accept her for what she was…broken." I could hear the struggle in Carlisle's head as he tried to not be so honest. He knew what he had to say would hurt me. But I deserved it.

"She wasn't living, Edward. She was just going through the motions. She was just surviving. She would talk to you like you were still standing there right beside her."

Now I understood what he meant when he said she begged me to let her drown. She couldn't let me go after I left. Just like I couldn't let her go.

"After she drowned, after Jacob saved her, she realized it was time. She had to let go of you Edward, it was killing her. Jacob was all she had. He had rescued her in so many ways." I sat there trying to process all he was saying.

"So this, Jacob Black, this is who Bella is marrying?" I could hardly bring myself to say the words. I already knew the answer.

"Yes." he said regretfully, nodding his head.

We were all silent for a moment while I tried to collect myself. I could hear Carlisle going over in his head everything he had just told me to be sure he hadn't left anything out. But he had left something out.

"So why did Alice go now?" What could possibly have impelled Alice to go back now if she didn't even go back to stop Bella from killing herself? Then I saw it in both their minds simultaneously. I groaned internally because I should have known.

"Because she loves her." I answered my own question.

The both starred at me waiting for my response. I saw it in their minds. Alice loved Bella. They all did. Alice had seen me coming back for Bella. She knew more certainly than I did that I couldn't stay away. She always thought of Bella as her sister. Carlisle and Esme thought of her as their daughter. They continued to think of her that way even after we left. But when I didn't come back, and Alice saw Bella marrying this Jacob Black, Alice thought she had been wrong. It grieved them to be losing the sister, the daughter that they were certain would one day be a part our family. Alice had never considered I wouldn't be coming back. Alice went to Forks to say goodbye. She never got a chance to say goodbye to the sister she loved. Carlisle and Esme never got to say goodbye to the daughter they had come to love so dearly. But I didn't come back, not in time, at least. Alice went back to Forks to say goodbye to Bella for good.

I sighed. I couldn't begrudge her this. Had I not brought Bella into their lives? It was because of me they had come to love her so much, and it was because of me that she would not be part of our lives now. My decisions not only hurt me, not only killed Bella, but it had hurt my family as well. I had made a huge mess of things. What was I thinking? Deep down I knew I couldn't stay away forever. Why did I wait until it was too late to come back?

"I'm sorry." I whispered. It was hardly the apology they deserved. But it was all I had in me at the moment. I would make it up to them.

"It's okay, son." Carlisle said comforting. "You did the right thing. It was hard what you had to do, more difficult than I can imagine. But you did what was right. We don't hold that against you."

I could hear his thoughts back up the sincerity in his words. As much as it hurt him to let Bella go, he knew it was the right thing. Like before, without my permission the words began to spill out of my mouth again.

"I want to see her." The words were true, but I shouldn't have said them aloud.

"No, Edward, you shouldn't." Carlisle discouraged. How well I knew I shouldn't. It wouldn't be right. But I've done many of things I should have never done. As I pondered over each of them a new revelation was revealed of another thing I never should have done. I never should have come back. I never should have left Forks. I never should have fallen in love with Bella. I never should have spoken to her and allow her fall in love with me. There were many things I never should have done that got me to where I was now. But I had to see her.

"I know Carlisle. But I need to go. I need to say my own goodbye." He stared at me for a moment trying to discern if he could convince me to stay. Finally he nodded his head, knowing no matter what he said it wouldn't keep me from going. She would never know I was there. I would keep a safe distance from her. Sure, I might allow myself to stare a few daggers into the back of Jacob Black's head, but I wouldn't physically harm him. How could I harm anything, any one that loved Bella? Who had saved her from drowning and brought her back to life after I left her for dead. Yes, this Jacob had done so much for my Bella, and I couldn't hate him, as much as I wanted to. Did she love him? I suppose she did, seeing as she agreed to marry him. But just the thought of it made me feel sick again. I had to get a look at this Jacob kid. Make sure he was good enough for my Bella. Make sure he deserved her love. I scoffed at myself. What if he wasn't? What if, by _my_ determination, as if that really mattered, I thought he wasn't good enough for my girl? What could I do? Who was I to determine what was best for her? No, even if this Jacob kid was found in my eyes unworthy of my girl I still had to let it happen. Because it was her choice. He was her choice. She had said yes to him and it was what she wanted. Right then I swore to myself to never do anything again that would screw up Bella's life more than I already had. She was finally happy, Esme had said. I wouldn't ruin that for her. She deserved her happiness. But I had to see her just one final time; even if only from a distance. I had to say goodbye.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Goodbye My Almost Lover

Bella's POV

Four Years Earlier:

I could slowly feel myself slowly awaking into consciousness. I let my eyes flutter open and then shut them back quickly against the sunlight coming in through a window in the far side of the room. Where was I? My throat was dry and scratchy from the salt water. I tried to open my eyes again, slowly this time, allowing my eyes to adjust to the light. I let my eyes wander around the room stopping on familiar objects before I realized I was in the living room of the Black's house. I could feel warmth radiating all around me. I tried to sit up but I could hardly move. Something was holding me down, tucking me securely into the sofa. I could hear Jake's soft snores just behind my head. He was lying beside me on the couch with his arms tight around me, and he was fast asleep. I tried not to move, afraid to wake him. How did I end up here?

The last thing I remembered was being in the freezing water. The waves were crashing around me fiercely and my arms and legs were going numb from the cold water. I remember fighting, I tried to swim. I could still hear Edward's pleads echoing in my head. Then I remembered I didn't want to fight anymore. I wanted to let go. I was tired and I didn't want to have to bare the pain anymore. I gave up fighting, I gave up swimming. I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper into the dark water. I remember deciding to let go of the last breath of air I was hanging on to. And with my final breath I said goodbye.

I chocked back a sob building in my throat and I could feel the hole in my chest begin to ache at just the thought of his name. I struggled to pull my arms around my torso to hold myself together and then remembered I couldn't move. The weight of Jake's arms around me would have to suffice. I tried to think of something else, anything else, so I wouldn't start to fall apart. How did I end up here on the couch in Jake living room? My eyes felt heavy, and I could feel my body aching all over. I don't know how many rocks I had smashed into in the violent water. What happened after I…drowned? It slowly started to come back to me. I remembered feeling a pounding on my chest and Jacob shouting my name. I remember the horrible convulsions that rocked through my body as I coughed the salty water up from my lungs. I remember hearing someone else's voice telling Jake to get me back to the house and to keep me warm. Then that was it. I couldn't remember anything else. I must have fallen asleep, or passed out. Jake must have carried me all they way back to his house. How long had I been sleeping? My head began to ache and I decided to give all the thinking a rest. For now it felt good to be wrapped in the warmth of Jacob arms, his snores creating a soft lullaby in my ear. My eyes were getting heavier and heavier and I decided not to fight it anymore. I let myself quickly fall back into a peaceful and comfortable unconsciousness.

When I awoke I wasn't as comfortable as I had been the first time. I was cold, so I knew Jake was no longer laying beside me. I rolled over to check anyway, and sure enough he was gone. I could hear muffled voices coming from somewhere across the room and I sat up to look around for him and that is when I did I felt it. A terrible pain throbbed through my chest causing me to involuntarily gasp in agony. I grabbed at my torso, and immediately curled into a ball where I laid.

"Bella?!" Jake said urgently and rushing to my side. I couldn't believe I was letting myself fall apart in front of him like this. _Not now, not in front of Jake, please_. The pain was overwhelming. The tighter I squeezed the more it hurt, which was unusual. It normally soothed the pain a little, but this only intensified it. Again another involuntarily cry slipped through my lips.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Jake said worriedly. Right! How was I going to explain this?! The pain was distracting me and I couldn't think straight.

"It hurts, Jake!" I cried against my will. Apparently being in excruciating pain causes you to loose control of your brain filter.

"Where Bella? Let me see." he said, gently trying to pull my arms away from my torso. See what? There was nothing to see. My pain was all on the inside. I was falling apart, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"No, Jake, stop!" I groaned, pulling away from him.  
"Bella, don't be ridiculous! You could have a broken bone!" he scolded.

Yeah right! I wish this pain that was ripping me apart inside was that easy to fix. I stared at him with begging eyes silently pleading for him to understand. He didn't. He kept trying to pull my arms down by my side. This pain did feel different from the other times. Similar, yet different. It wasn't brought on like it usually was; from a thought or mention of him or them. I still couldn't bring myself to think their names. Either way, Jake was too strong and I couldn't fight him off any longer. He managed to untangle my arms from around my waist and pushed them down at my sides.

"Since when do you know so much about broken bones anyway?" I said spitefully. I wasn't sure why I was being so rude to Jake, he was only trying to help. Again, I guess my brain filter was gone. Thankfully it didn't seem bother him. In fact it made him chuckle under his breath.

"Just hold still, would you." He ordered.

He pressed his hand carefully around my ribs. As his hand reached my left side I hissed in pain.

"Bella, we should take you to the hospital."

"No!" I whined. If I went to the hospital then Charlie was sure to find out about my cliff diving extravaganza.

"Charlie!" was all I could say to explain.

"Bella, don't be silly. We'll come up with some other story to tell him, but you can't go around with a broken rib and who knows what else?!" With that he swept me into his arms and carried me to the door.

"Put me down, I can walk!" I ordered.

"Okay," he said with a smirk on his face, setting me on my feet. My feet felt unstable beneath me and my legs wobbled a bit. I could hear Jake start to snicker next to me as he watched me try to take a step. Determined to prove him wrong I took one confident step forward and my legs gave out as I began to tumble to the floor. Jake snatched me up in his arms before I had a chance to hit.

"That's what I thought." He said smugly holding me tighter than necessary. I suppose he thought I would try to fight him, but I didn't. Even having slept for who knows how long I still felt exhausted and weak. I guess drowning really takes it out of you. Jake drove us in my truck to the hospital, keeping one arm tight around me. He rested his chin on my head as we drove in silence for a while. I heard him sigh and I could just barely feel his lips press into my hair. Did he just kiss me?

Even with Jake radiating heat I was shivering. He rubbed his hand up and down my arm soothingly.

"Dang it, Bella. If you get sick I swear I'm going to kick myself for not taking you to the doctor sooner!"

"I'm fine, really. If I get sick it's my own fault!" I encouraged through chattering teeth. How could he be feeling guilty after all he had done? I wrapped my arms tightly around him despite the pain it cause in my ribs. I wanted him to know I appreciated what he did for me.

"What were you thinking? Bella, if something had happened to you…" he broke off taking a deep breath before continuing. "Bella, I can't …I can't lose you." He was silent a moment and then cleared his throat. "Just save the stupid stuff for when I'm around from now on, ok?" he pleaded fighting back the sadness in his voice. I nodded my head into his chest. I could tell he was honestly concerned for me and I could kick myself for almost hurting him. I couldn't believe how selfishly I had acted this morning. Because of my pain I wanted to let go. I hadn't considered what it would do to those around me. Even though I hardly considered myself a staple in anyone's life, there were those that it would have grieved if I had died. It would have devastated my mother, it would have killed my father, and it would have destroyed Jake. We were all each other had.

At the hospital the doctor's determined I had two cracked ribs on my left side. They curiously eyed and inspected all the other bruises that were now coming up on my skin. I wasn't sure if they bought Jake's story about us hiking the ridge when I slipped and fell into the ocean. He left the part out of how I actually drowned. I was certain they would want to keep me over night if they knew about that, so I was relieved when Jake skipped that part and simply explained how he pulled me out of the water before the under toe could get me. It probably would have been believable; it certainly was something I was capable of, except that Jake came out without even a scratch. He shrugged it off stating that he has always been a good swimmer and they didn't question any further, though they eyed us incredulously. After issuing me a prescription for some mild pain relievers and instructions to basically not move for the next several weeks they allowed us to leave.

When we left the hospital I was a little more stable on my feet and was able to walk out on my own. I could see Jake watching me closely out of the corner of his eye with his hands tensed, and holding them slightly in my direction just waiting to catch me if I fell. I rolled my eyes at him. I was perfectly capable of walking all by myself! I did let him help me into the truck and again he drove.

"Let's get you home." He said sliding his arm around me and pulling me closer to him.

As Jake held me securely in his side I allowed myself to simply enjoy it. I was always so comfortable here. It was almost like his side was shaped to fit me. I thought again about Romeo, Juliet, and Paris. Sure, Romeo and Juliet was the perfect love story just how it was. But what if the story had changed? What if Romeo realized he wanted more and decided he didn't want Juliet anymore? What if Romeo left Juliet, devastated and heartbroken? He broke her heart and all she had left were the mangled pieces? And yet, she still loved him. With every piece of her broken heart, she still longed for her Romeo. What if Paris came to her rescue? What if he found a way to put some of the pieces back together, and eased some of the pain she was going through never asking for anything in return? Would Romeo be grateful to him? Wouldn't Romeo, indifferent as he may be, still want for Juliet to be happy; as happy as she could be as damaged as she was? Would it be so wrong to take just a little of the love she had once given him, just a small echo of what she was capable of feeling and once so willing to give, love he didn't even want anymore, and give it to Paris? Would it be so wrong to take what little she had left of herself and give it to the one person who did want her? Romeo had wanted it to be as if he never existed, he couldn't begrudge Juliet for moving on.

I took a deep breath and then sighed. But could I do it? Could I really let Jake in? Could I really allow Jake to love me, or find it in me to love him in return? And ultimately, could I really and truly let Edward go? I had learned the most devastating lesson in my life; that loving someone gave them the power to break you, to destroy you. And it was terrifying to imagine ever giving someone that power over me again. I trusted Jake, and it would be so easy to love him. But I was afraid. I knew I was at a crossroads, one I never wanted to be at. If I decided to not love Jake, one day someone would, and take him away from me, forever. And the thought of that was unbearable. But if I decided to love Jacob I risked him destroying what was left of me. I knew all I would have to do was just say the words. I probably would not even have to do that much. All I had to do was just turn my head the slightest bit and touch my lips to his hot skin. One kiss would be all it would take, and he would understand. But could I do it? Could I risk all the heartbreak it would cause me if one day my Paris, too, decided he didn't want me anymore? It would ruin me…it would surely due me in. I didn't have anything left in me to survive if I lost Jacob. He was all I had left, and if I didn't decide now to love him I would lose him. Then I heard it; the most exquisite voice in a painfully sad tone say "Be happy, Bella." No! I wanted to keep fighting, to keep holding on, even though deep down I knew he was never coming back from me. I still never dreamed of loving anyone else. I felt like I needed to scream, I wanted to break down and fall apart right there.

We were getting close to Charlie's house now, and I knew he would be waiting up for me. Dr. Mullins had called him before we left the hospital to tell him what happened and give him instructions. I knew he would be in hysterics when I got home. If I was going to do this it had to be now. But I had to really do it. I couldn't love Jake still holding on to…him. It wouldn't be fair. Jake really deserved so much more, but if he was willing to accept me how I was, the least I could do was give him all of me, holding nothing back and having no regrets. I knew this meant finally letting go of…him. I had to think his name, I had to do it. If I couldn't even bring myself to think his name then I couldn't prove to myself that I was truly willing and finally able let him go…to let Edward go. I cringed. Tears began welding up in my eyes against my will. No, dang it, I wasn't going to cry. Not in front of Jake, not over him.

Jacob could feel my body becoming tense underneath his arm.

"Bella, are you alright?" he asked softly. "Does it hurt?"

"Yes." I whimpered, choking back the tears that were threatening to overflow any moment. I knew he meant my ribs, but that wasn't the hurt I was admitting to. I wanted to turn my head into his shoulders and really let myself sob. But I couldn't do that to Jake. If I was going to love Jacob I couldn't let him see me shed any more tears for Edward. I knew I couldn't love both, so to love Jake I had to let Edward go, and it was tearing me apart inside. No more tears, no more illusions, no more crying out for him in the night. I had to entirely let him go.

"Bella?" Jake said sounding more worried. "What's the matter?"

I shook my head, unable to speak. If I spoke I was sure to fall apart. But my whole body was shaking now, desperate to grieve over Edward. Letting go wasn't going to be easy, and it wasn't something I was going to be able to do without completely breaking down and falling apart. I couldn't do this here, not in front of Jake. I had to get home. I just needed to get home. In the safety of my room I could let it all out. I would let all the walls come down and I could sob the way I ached to sob now. It needed to happen, it had to happen for me to be able to let go, if I could just hold on a little longer. I knew what had to happen now. Today's events were more emblematic than I had to die to Edward's Bella. It was the only way I could become Jacob's Bella. It was going to tear me apart…but it's what had to happen. I felt the edges of the hole in my chest threatening to rip me apart. _No, no please!_ I begged myself. _Hang in there._ My body was close to convulsing now and Jake was clearly beyond worried.

"Bella, what's going on? Talk to me!" he pleaded. He rubbed his and up and down my arm more roughly now, trying to sooth me.

"Just get me home, Jake. I just need to get home."

We pulled into the drive way and I didn't even wait for the truck to come to a complete stop before I flung open the door and raced towards the house trembling.

"Bella?!" Jake called after me. I knew I had to face him. I couldn't leave him like this, not knowing what was going on. If I walked out on him now without an explanation I would risk hurting him and losing him forever. Or worse, what if dying to Edwards Bella took all I had left? What if I couldn't let go without truly dying? No, I couldn't leave Jake standing here never knowing what was going on. I hesitated on the stairs of the porch before turned to face him. What was I going to say? What could I say? I could see the hurt and confusion on his face, and it tore me apart even more. I couldn't bare hurting him, and it all came full circle now. I could love Jake, and furthermore, I wanted to love him. I wanted to be his, to be Jacob's Bella. I couldn't hold the tears back anymore as they began to spill over and run down my face. And I knew what I had to do. There were no words for this. Just an action. One, single action of love that would say it all. Without another thought I raced back down the stairs to where Jacob stood. I threw myself into his arms and pressed my lips into his. At first Jacob didn't move and I thought I acted too hastily. I almost pulled away and run into the house. Before I could he wrapped his big arms all the way around my body and lifted me up, holding me so tightly to him. I could feel the warmth of his body all around me now and it sent chills down my spine. He kissed me back sweetly and passionately. And I held nothing back. I kissed him back just as passionately. I wrapped my hands around his neck and rand my fingers through is hair. He raised one hand to the nape of my neck pulling my face closer in to his. His lips were so warm and so welcoming. When I was certain the hole in my chest was about to rip me apart I pulled back breathlessly and he starred into my eyes with such love and such confusion. I had to break away from his gaze because I could feel the hole threatening to rip me apart any second now. I had to get inside. Jake set me back on my feet with a bewildered look on his face and took a staggered step backward. I didn't have time to explain.

"I'm sorry Jake." I choked out. "I have to go…I'll talk to you tomorrow, ok?" I didn't wait for him to answer before I turned around and ran into the house.

"Bella, is that you?!" I heard Charlie calling from the living room. He met me at the bottom of the stairs before I could make it up. "The doctor called, what happened?" he said almost angry and then stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the tears streaming down my face. He could tell I was in no condition to discuss what happen right now.

"Can we talk about it tomorrow?" I managed to get out.

"Sure, kiddo…um, get some rest, we'll talk tomorrow." he replied staring at me with such worry in his eyes it hurt. I turned from him and ran up the stair straight into the sanctuary of my room. I slammed the door behind me and collapsed on my bed. I didn't have it in me to cry quietly. I completely fell apart. I sobbed loudly into my pillow. Hours passed as I laid in my bed weeping. If I tried to make myself stop I would only cry harder. I knew it had to happen…I knew it would hurt…I knew it would take all I had left. But to really be able to give myself to Jacob, even if all that was left were broken pieces, I had to relinquish all of Edward. I knew Jacob would accept me the way I was, and he would probably even help put me back together. So I let the pain rock through my body and tear me apart piece by piece. The hole in my chest was finally having its long awaited victory over me. I didn't even bother to clutch at my torso to hold myself together. I screamed into my pillow with every tremor that shuddered through my body and I cried until I had nothing left. Until every muscle in my body was numb, and every emotion I was once capable of feeling was dead. I had no strength left to even open my eyes, but I could see the sunlight beginning to shin into the room. It was surely early morning by now. I had survived the night. There was nothing left to do but sleep now. And when I awoke I would be and could finally be Jacob's Bella. "Goodbye Edward. I love you." And with one final sob I let myself fall into a deep and dreamless asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four:

Jacob's POV:

What just happen? Did Bella just kiss me? I could still feel the warmth from her kiss on my lips. I stared after her as she turned and ran into the house with tears streaming down her face. I wanted to wrap her back in my arms and comfort her, but I had no clue what was going on. I saw Charlie peek out the window at me with a confused and angry look on his face. I figured I better get out of here before he could come out and chew me out for something I didn't even do. Or, at least I don't think I did anything to upset her. I jogged to the edge of the woods that lined the Swan property and after slipping out of my jeans and shirt I phased into my wolf form. I couldn't bare to leave knowing Bella was just inside going through some kind of emotional break down that I may or may not have caused and certainly didn't understand. Perhaps the realization that she nearly died today was beginning to settle in, or the news of Harry Clearwater, or just the entire emotional rollercoaster of a day in general. And though it didn't make sense it made me feel better to be close just in case she needed me. I made myself comfortable in the pile of leaves that Charlie had raked out of his yard and discarded just inside the shelter of the trees. I starred up at Bella's window listening carefully for any noise she made. But I heard nothing. To pass the time I replayed the day's events over in my head trying to figured out what had gone so wrong.

Sam had woken me up early when they had cornered Victoria trying to get back into Forks. We were so close and almost had her before she disappeared into the ocean. Billy had called to tell me Bella was waiting at the beach for me and I was terrified to think that she would be so close to the water with that leach swimming around. I ran as fast as I could back to First Beach. My heart stopped in my chest when I had heard her scream. I thought Victoria got to her before I could and I ran harder. I got to the edge of the cliff in just enough time to see her tiny body hit the raging water and I realized what happened. She was cliff jumping. Why hadn't she waited for me? The water was getting rough and I knew it had to be freezing, to her at least. That was so typical of Bella to be so impatient. For a moment I considered letting her swim around a bit in the freezing water for doing something so stupid as to do this without me here. I stood on the cliff staring into the water waiting for her to resurface so I could yell at her. But she didn't resurface. My eyes raced panicky across the water searching for her re-emerge. But she didn't. I didn't hesitate and I jumped from the cliff where I stood into the raging waters. I landed with a huge splash and I didn't bother to swim to the surface for a breath. Bella was down here somewhere and I had to find her. The waves were so powerful I almost couldn't swim against them. It terrified me because I knew if I was hardly able to endure it then it was likely to crush Bella. I searched frantically through the murky waters. I finally had to reluctantly go up for a breath. As soon as my head was out of the water I screamed her name hoping maybe she had resurfaced and would hear me. But there was no response. No! I took a deep breath and went back under the water swimming around anxiously. I had to find her. If she hadn't resurfaced by now then she had surely taken in a lot of water and I didn't have much time. I wanted to curse myself when I had to swim back to the surface for another breath of air. It felt so wrong taking in the relieving breath of oxygen when my Bella was somewhere down there drowning.

"Jacob!" I heard a familiar voice shout. My heart skipped, but it wasn't the voice I was hoping to hear. I looked up to see Sam standing on the low cliff.

"There Jacob, she's there!" he shouted at me pointing at some emerged rocks roughly twenty yards from me. I looked just in time to see a wave hurling Bella's motionless body into the rocks.

"Bella!" I shouted swimming as hard as I could after her. The waves took her under with them and I had to dive down again. I was able to grab her by the arm and bring her back to the water's surface. Her face was a terrifying grey and she wasn't breathing. I swam as hard and fast as I was able to the beach. As soon as my feet could touch the sand below I pulled Bella up into my arms and ran for the shore.

"No, Bella, no!" I pleaded with her lifeless body. When I reached the beach I laid her body on the sand and immediately started beating on her chest and blowing air into her mouth.

"Come on, Bella, breath! Breath, Bella, please breath!" I begged. Sam was standing over me now watching in horror as I tried to revive her. I took another deep breath and blew it into her mouth. I remembered how I often thought about what it would be like to have Bella's lips against mine. But this was so much different than what I had once hoped for. I never dreamed the first times our lips would meet would be to save her life. I pounded my fists into her chest. As the minutes passed and she still wasn't breathing tears began to weld up in my eyes. I can't lose her, I had to save her.

"Bella, please!" I begged as the tears began to flow out of my eyes.

"Jacob?" Sam said unsurely. "Jake, stop, I don't think she's…"

"NO!" I shouted at him continuing to pound on her chest. I wasn't going to let him finish that sentence.

Sam hesitated over me for another minute before trying again.

"Jacob stop. There's nothing more you can do." he said. I was painfully glad he didn't order it in his alpha tone. I had absolutely no intention of stopping until I saw her breath. I shook my head at him.

"Jacob, please, stop. You need to stop, she's…she's gone." He was getting agonizingly close to using the alpha tone, but I kept at it.  
"No!" I said vehemently.

And then in the tone I dreaded he shouted my name. "Jacob…"

Before he could finish Bella's body shuddered. She arched her back and began coughing violently. I stopped pounding my hands into her chest and pulled her up into my arms.

"Bella!" I cried with relief. I glared up at Sam to see the shock and relief on his face. As much as I wanted to be angry at him I couldn't. Bella was alive. She was breathing and I was holding her in my arms. He body was shaking fiercely from the cold. Her body felt like ice against my bare chest.

"Get her back to the house, and keep her warm!" he ordered. I stood to my feet with Bella in my arms and ran as fast as I could back to the house.

I pulled Bella close to me trying to force my body heat in to her as I jogged back to the house. Once I was inside the tiny living room I laid Bella on the sofa next to the radiator and turned the dial to high. When it didn't come on I slammed my fist into the side of the metal and cursed under my breath at it. With a few sputters it finally kicked on. Though Bella was already fast asleep, or passed out, her body was still convulsing with shivers and her exposed skin was still a sickly white. She resembled someone…something… I refused to think of. I hurried down the hall and grabbed several blankets from the closet and returned to the living room. I lifted Bella up into one arm and with my free hand I wrapped one blanket tightly around her damp body then carefully laid her back on the sofa. I tucked the other blanket around her.

I sat on the floor next the sofa starring at Bella's pale face and tried not to think about who it reminded me of. Her lips were still trembling and I lifted my hand thoughtlessly to brush her cheek. Her skin was like ice against the warmth of my palm. Without warning the phrase "cold one" went through my mind. I shook my head vigorously trying to push the image out of my thoughts. I refused to think of Bella that way. There was no way I was ever going to allow that happen to my Bella.

Nearly losing her today in the water was the worst feeling I had ever had in my entire life. The agonizing pain and disorientation of my first transformation was nothing compared to what I felt today when I thought I'd lost Bella. I couldn't imagine my life without her now. She was too much a part of me now. If Bella died, I was sure my heart would die right along with hers. If only she knew how deep I was in with her now. I had always felt strongly for Bella, ever since the first day she brought the bikes to my house. I'll never forget how she looked like death that day and somehow, for some reason being with me seemed to bring her back to life. My feelings had only grown stronger for her every day since then, though I had done well to hide them. I wasn't sure how I was going to hide it anymore. What I felt for Bella now was so much more than a school boy crush. Almost losing her made me realize the fullest extent of my feeling for Bella. I loved her. I was in love with her. My heart hung on every breath she took. A lump caught in my throat as I remembered how close she came to never taking another breath again after this morning. The tears began to weld up in my eyes again at the memory of her ghostly white face and ashen grey lips when I laid her lifeless body on the sand. I shook my head again trying to push it out of my thought. Her lips were barely gaining more color now and I traced my finger over them. Her bottom lip trembled against my finger as another shiver shook her body where she lay. I turned to inspect the radiator only to find it wasn't working, again. When it failed to revive after several punches into the side of it I decided to improvise. Bella needed heat now and I would be darned if I was going to sit here and watch her continue to shiver like that. I scooted her closer to the inside of the sofa and I laid down besideher wrapping my arms around her body and pulling her close to me. I could smell the salt in her hair as I snuggled up close to her, again tried to force my body heat into her. After several minutes I felt her body begin to relax into mine and her shivers stop. I breathed a deep sigh of relief and I could feel my eye lids begin to get heavy. I couldn't remember the last time I slept more than two hours straight and the exhaustion was beginning to wear on me. I had so much to worry about with Victoria on the loose and trying to protect my brothers and Bella at the same time. But with Bella here, safe in my arms, where anything that would try to harm her would have to go through me first, I felt at ease. I gave in to the exhaustion then and let the sleep take over.

I wasn't sure how long we had been sleeping when I awoke to the phone ringing. I carefully tried to pull away from Bella without waking her then raced into the kitchen and got to the receiver just in time before the machine picked up.

"Hello?" I said; sleep still heavy in my voice.

"Jake, where have you been? I have tried calling several times!" Sam answered with irritation.

"Sorry, I was, uh, I was sleeping." I said sounding confused. My brain must still be asleep.

"Where is Bella? How is she?" he said, concern clear in his tone.

"She is still here; she is sleeping on the sofa right now."

"Did you check her for any injuries?"

"Well, no." I hadn't thought about doing that.

"How long has she been asleep?"

I turned in circles around the kitchen until I found the clock that read 4:28 PM. Wow, had we really been asleep that long?

"Um, about six hours I suppose; ever since I got her back to the house."

"And you didn't check her head for any injuries?" he said with shock in his tone. "Jacob, she could have a concussion! You shouldn't let her sleep, she needs to see a doctor now!" he ordered.

"Well, how was I supposed to know that, I'm not a doctor? And you are the one who told me to take her back to the house in the first place!" I snapped back.

"Well, wake her up. Check her out and then get her to the hospital for an examination right away!" he said, trying not to sound as irritated.

"Sure, sure." I replied hanging up the receiver.

I was just headed back to the living room when I heard Bella gasp sharply. I raced to her side not able to hide the worry on my face. She was grasping at her sides defensively and agony clear in her eyes. I begged her to tell me what hurt and what was wrong, but she wouldn't say. I decided not to waste any more time. Bella needed to get to the hospital at once, and I wasn't taking no for an answer. Of course she refused to let me help her, which I wasn't going to allow. As much as I hated to admit it Sam was right and I could have kicked myself for not taking her to the hospital sooner. Though I hated to see Bella in any pain I was relieved it seemed to be her side hurting her and not her head, and that she was awake and not lost in some deep coma from head trauma. Bella was just as stubborn as ever and wouldn't allow me help her until she proved to herself she was incapable of a simple of task as walking to the car. I quickly swept her up in my arms and gladly carried her the rest of the way. While she was going through many tests and x-rays at the hospital internally I was a panicky mess. What if something was really wrong with her that I could have prevented had I just thought to bring her sooner? I paced back and forth impatiently in the waiting room until they finally released Bella with the conclusion she had a few cracked ribs. Though that was bad enough to make me want to rip myself apart, I was relieved it was only that and nothing worse. The doctors seemed to accept our story about hiking and Bella falling off the cliff into the water. Though they seemed skeptical as to how I alone was able to rescue her from the water without some much as a scratch. I couldn't care less, as long as they let us leave. Bella's clumsiness was common knowledge around the Forks Hospital so my story was hardly disputable.

I thought about the car ride back to her house. At first everything seemed fine. Then Bella began to look and feel uncomfortable and tense beneath my arm. She said she wasn't in any pain, but I knew better. A few cracked ribs had to hurt, but that was typical Bella, trying to be strong and brave. But I could tell her discomfort was more than just physical pain. Something more was wrong with Bella, and I couldn't put my hand on it. I hadn't done anything out of the norm. I usually rode with my arm around her, especially if she was cold. So I hadn't thought that was what upset her. We hadn't said much of anything to each other either. And as far as I could remember there was nothing I could fathom that could set off the reaction she had when we finally arrived at Charlie's house. She seemed dreadfully sad and it broke my heart to see her that way and not knowing how to fix it or make it better. I was so confused about what was going on when Bella all but ran into Charlie's house and it completely took me off guard when she turned around and flung herself into my arms and kissed me the way she did. I was so stunned I think it even took me a second before I began to kiss her back. When her lips touched mine it was like a shot of electricity through my body and I was frozen in disbelief. I was so sure that she couldn't have actually meant to do what she was doing. I was convinced that perhaps she just tripped into my arms instead of throwing herself into them and her lips just happened to land right on mine instead of intentionally locking into a passionate kiss. But when she didn't pull away and realization set in it didn't matter to me the reason why. I was just so happy to finally have her in this moment with her body so close to mine and her soft lips pressed willingly against mine, there was so reason at all that mattered right then. Part of me was thinking I shouldn't be allowing this to happen right now, while she was so emotional and clearly not thinking straight. I knew Bella felt differently for me then I did for her. I knew she said she wasn't sure she could ever feel the way for me as I did for her. And I certainly couldn't expect her to return the love I undoubtedly felt for her now. I knew I should stop this and not continue to let her do something I knew she would later regret. And I knew letting this happen would only torture me more later when she did regret it. But all I could think about was wanting to feel her body closer to mine. I wrapped my arms around her lifting her up and pulling her closer to me feeling the length of her tiny body against me. I placed one hand on the back of her neck and pulled her face closer in to mine. Her lips moved smoothly and sweetly over mine and my heart ached at the nearness of this moment's end. I knew it was inevitable and too soon Bella pulled away. I starred into her eyes for a moment searching desperately for the meaning behind all this before she lowered her face into my chest and breathed heavily. My heart was racing and my hands shaking. Scared I had let it go too far and terrified to already see the regret I reluctantly released my grip on her and took a few steps back. I was scared to look into her eyes, afraid of what I would see there. Certain I would see regret and knowing it would tear me apart when I did. But I risked on glance into her eyes anyway. I must be a sucker for torture. I was surprised when it wasn't regret that I saw on her face, but crushed to still see that terribly sad look in her eyes that I didn't understand. I was sure there was something I should say at this point but I was honestly at a loss for words.

"I'm sorry Jake." she choked out in such a sad voice I thought it would crush me. "I have to go…I'll talk to you tomorrow, ok?" She didn't wait for a response before she turned and ran back into the house.

"Bella…" I called after her, but she was already closing the door behind her. And there I stood with a blank look on my face and utterly confused about everything that just happened.

I looked up to Bella's window again from where I laid in the brush. Still no sight or sound of her and it was killing me not knowing what was going on. A few hours had passed since I saw the chief turn in for the night and his bedroom light go out. Surely he was sound asleep by now and wouldn't notice a larger than normal wolf walking across the back yard. I wasn't sure what I was doing, but I couldn't just lay there in the woods any longer without knowing if Bella was alright. I needed to see her. When I reached the bottom of the tree outside her bedroom window I realized climbing it in my wolf form was going to be nearly impossible so I trekked back into the woods and transformed back into my human form. After slipping back on my clothes I walked out to the tree again, this time climbing right up it with no difficultly. It still amazed me how easily seemingly difficult tasks were for me now. I perched on the branch outside Bella's window and peeked in. I could see Bella lying in her bed and her body appeared to be shaking. Was she cold? Then I heard it; the heartbreaking sound of Bella crying and sobbing loudly. I thought my heart would shatter and I nearly jumped through her window and wrapped her in my arms right then. Whatever was tearing her apart so badly I desperately wanted to make it better. I felt helpless and furious that there was nothing I could do. Whatever was making her cry now was nothing I could physically fight away and that thought enraged me. I had to get away, I couldn't bare to sit here any longer listening to her helpless sobs. It felt like my heart was being ripped out with every cry she made. I leaped to the ground in one smooth motion and landed soundlessly on the grass below.

I jogged back to the edge of the forest and barely had my clothes off before transforming back into my wolf form. But I didn't have time to think after that. As soon I was in my wolf form I heard the voices of my brothers screaming in my head.

"Jacob, she's coming for Bella!" I heard Jared's panicked thoughts.

"She tricked us! She slipped right passed us! I don't know how it happened!" Paul thought.

"We're almost there Jake, hang in there, we're coming!" Jared assured.

Then a chill ran down my spine as I head Sam's thought "Look out Jake! Behind you!"

I turned just in time to see a red flame headed straight for me.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Victoria's POV

Just one wolf! One measly mutt was all that stood between me and my long awaited vengeance now. I was easily able to get past the other four wolves with the help of my newest creation, Riley. Getting past those dogs was easier than I expected to be and I was thrilled my plan had worked. Two weeks ago the weather was infuriatingly sunny in this miserable town and I was forced to hide out in Seattle for a few days waiting for the clouds to return. I made use of my time feeding often to restore my energy and plotting out my revenge. However, after weeks of trying to get to the girl and I hadn't made any progress. My multiple attempts to get to the pathetic human child had failed me and it was getting more and more frustratingly difficult to get past these mongrels.

As much as I hated to admit it I could no longer deny this was something I couldn't alone. When Laurant never returned I came to look for him and that was when I first came in contact with the wolves. Thankfully, I am faster and stronger than Laurant and was able to outrun them. I had been keeping them on the run for weeks now hoping they would either tire out or slip up and I would finally be able to get through them. But they hadn't and now I needed a new plan. I had exhausted all my resources and I could not think of anyone else who would be willing to help me in my evil scheme for retribution. It would need to be someone I could easily persuade. Most vampires avoided any human contact unless they were feeding and were certainly not interested in hunting one out of pure vengeance. But I was desperate to get my plan for vengeance under way and at this point I was willing to do anything. I was sitting in a dark alleyway contemplating possible scenarios when a lone drunk stumbled into shadows. He was young and attractive and smelled wickedly delicious, despite his intoxication. It would have been the perfect opportunity if I hadn't just fed a few hours before.

That is when it hit me, the perfect plan, an infallible plan; a newborn! Newborns were the strongest and fastest of any vampire. A newborn would be ignorant to the rules of the vampire world and could be easily persuaded to do as I requested. And I had the added benefit of not losing another friend to the wolves if they were to bring him down as well. If only I had the strength to turn him without killing him. He continued to stagger down the alley completely unaware of the fate he was walking into. Yes, a newborn would be the perfect accomplice. If I didn't have the strength to stop at least I would get a good snack out of my attempt. A low growl of delight built up in my chest finally drawing his attention presence.

"Good evening there, ma'am." He stuttered sluggishly saluting his hand off his brow like a soldier. I continued to glare at him the smirk on my face growing wider as he approached me. He was close enough now to fully take in my appearance and obviously noticing my glowing red eyes. I watched as his cool, calm demeanor slowly faded into fear. He stopped in his tracks gaping at me.

"Good evening there, soldier." I purred sauntering towards him. I saw the lump in his throat as he gulped loudly and I laughed sadistically to myself. I could hear his heart begin to race and his hands began to shake in fear. His eyes trailed down the alley, obviously looking for the opportunity to run. _I dare you_. I challenged him.

"Um…I was just…um…I'll just…head home." He slurred over his words.

"What's the rush, sweetie? I'm just looking to have a little…fun." I said watching as his fear faded into a look of pure terror now and I couldn't contain the grin that spread across my face now. Perhaps it was cruel, but I enjoyed watching my prey shudder in fear before the kill. Though my purpose here now was not to kill, but to change, so I decided to get on with it. Just then the boy slipped under my fingers and began to run clumsily down the alley. I let another sadistic laugh break through my lips. Did he honestly think he could out run me? I slipped in front of him in a blur placing my hand on his chest to stop him in his attempt to get away.

"Shhh…." I said trailing my finger seductively down the exposed skin of his neck and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Now now now, don't be like that." I stood over him and pinning his body to the ground. He's pathetic attempt to fight back was almost humorous. I trailed my nose up his neck inhaling his scent deeply and then brushed my lips over his ear and whispered, "This will only hurt…a little."

Deciding not to taunt him any further I sank my teeth into the soft tissue below his ear as he cried out in pain. The frenzy began as his warm blood spilled into my mouth aching for me to continue. _Focus Victoria, focus! _I internally yelled at myself. James' face flashed before my eyes causing me to remember my purpose. It took all the mental strength I could muster but I finally pulled away from the delicious boy. His screams amplified in volume now as the venom began to spread. My head was swimming in a rage still fresh with the desire for his blood. I had to get him out of here. I couldn't very well leave him here in the alleyway screaming like he was. He was mine now and my responsibility as well. I needed somewhere to keep him for the next few days until the change was complete. Then I could start brainwashing him into the killing machine I needed him to be.

I needed to think quickly before his screams attracted too much attention to my dark alley so I did the first thing I could think of. I punched him across the face knocking him unconscious. Though I didn't use the full force of my strength I could tell I had broken his jaw and crushed several other bones in his face as well. Oh well, the change would fix that soon enough and at least for now the screaming had stopped. I hoped he would remain unconscious long enough for me to get him to a safe place. I scooped his body up into my arms and ran to the city limits toward Forks. I continued running until I reached a cave deep in the woods 100 miles outside of Forks. James and I had stayed in this cave a few days during our travels and it was far enough out of the way that no humans would ever find it. I laid his body on the rocks inside and waited out for him to change into the monster.

After the change was complete I began training Riley to be the vicious companion I needed to complete my plan. I took him to Seattle every night allowing him to feed freely on any unsuspecting humans that dared to walk alone in the night. It wasn't long before he was strong and hung on my every word. I told him of my plan to steal the human child and brutally and slowly torture her to death and send her ravaged body to her beloved Edward. Riley was more than willing to assist me and didn't care at all to the reasons for wanting to harm the girl.

When the day finally came I sent him to Seattle to feed so he would be at his strongest. I went to Forks to check out the situation on the wolves. Sure enough they were still there and I kept them running for several hours in circles. I needed them to be exhausted for my plan to work best tonight. When the big red wolf nearly got too close I retreated to the ocean where I could swim to the outskirt of the forest where I instructed Riley to meet me.

The plan was to run back to the forest surrounding Forks and when they caught our scent Riley was to run, leading them away from Forks while I hid. When they were far enough away I would slip into the small town and grab my unsuspecting girl! The plan was perfect! By the time they realized they were following the wrong vampire I would be long gone with Bella finally in my grasp. When I was done with her I would send her body in pieces to the house in Denali. I wasn't for sure if that was where the Cullen's had moved to, but Laurant had said that they were close friends with the vampires there and I could be certain it would not take long for the news to get to Edward of his beloved's slow and torturous death, and I would have my revenge! Maybe I would even videotape my time with the girl and send it along with her remains so he could helplessly watch me pull his girlfriend to shreds. Just as I was helpless when the whole lot of them stood around and watched their precious Edward slay my beloved James. Yes, he would pay. In the worst way, he would share my pain.

The plan had worked perfectly. When the mutts caught our scent I ordered Riley to run and keep running as far as they would follow him. The ignorant dogs were known to chase me as far as Canada before and I knew they would be long gone giving me plenty of time to get my claws on Bella Swan. She would pay for Edward's sins. My muscles tensed and my body ached in satisfaction at the nearness of my reprisal.

Now all that stood between me and my retribution was that same, overgrown red mutt! There was no way he stood a chance against me without his brothers. He was singled out and alone and venerable. Though it would be easy to kill him quickly, perhaps I would make him suffer just a little for all the frustration they had put me through over the past couple of months. _No Victoria, don't lose sight of our goal!_ I reminded myself. My thirst for bloodlust would have to wait until the girl. I couldn't risk wasting time to get to the girl when I would finally have the chance.

I raced towards him now as fast as my legs would carry me. I was hoping to use the element of surprise to my advantage by catching him off guard. Thus far he seemed unaware of my fast approach. The monster in my head cheered now waiting anxiously for the kill. Though I hadn't made a sound he was somehow alerted to my advance and turned just in time to see me running towards him; though not in enough time to save himself. I slammed into his body knocking him to the ground feeling his bones crush on impact and the monster in my head snarled with delight. The wolf howled out in pain and I couldn't help but be thrilled at the sound. He struggled to get to his feet to defend himself but his broken legs failed him as he collapsed to the ground and whimpered out in agony.

"Get up you mongrel!" I spat at him He was making this too easy and eradicating the thrill of the fight. I kicked him forcefully in the side hurling his body several yards back before slamming into a tree. The tree split up the middle with a thunderous crack and began to fall to ground in several pieces around him.

"Stand up, fight!" I snarled. He continued to struggle to get to his feet growling through his teeth at me but fell to the ground again when a large branch from the tree came crashing down on top of him. I sauntered over to where he lay motionless on the ground and grabbed him up by his throat positioning my hands to snap his neck. I leaned down to whisper in his ear. "You're pathetic." I growled then tightened my hands for the kill.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Bella's POV

Dreamless sleep…I wish. Though this nightmare was different from the one before. The one I had so many numerous nights before. That dream was a nightmare due to the harsh reality that I was alone. Tonight's nightmare had nothing to do with…Edward, or the lack there of. That alone was progress. However, I wasn't so sure I preferred this new alternative. This was a nightmare in truest form on account of the absolute terror it evoked within me. This dream painted an entirely too realistic scenario. I was home, alone in my room late at night. I was lying in my bed reading but slightly distract by the loud thunderstorm going on outside. I set my book aside and starred out into the darkness. There was something particularly odd about this storm though. Something was missing and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I continued to stare out the window blankly, trying to figure out what was off. That's when I realized it wasn't raining, at all, not even a sprinkle. There were no flashes of lightening either. How odd. I was certain there was thunder. I heard it. I stood from where I lay and walked slowly towards the window. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw a blaze of red flash past the window. My eyes widened in fear and my breath caught in my throat. I was frozen in place, unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to scream. I continued starring out the window frozen in terror. I saw a single white finger raise to the glass and began tracing circles on the pane making a painfully high pitched screeching sound. As my eyes gained more focus I saw her behind the glass. The terrifyingly pale white face framed with a sea of fiery red curls. My hands began to shake sending a tremor of horror through my entire body. Where was Jake? I wanted to cry out for him. I wanted to scream. Where was the rest of the pack? Hadn't they seen her coming for me? How had she gotten past them? Perhaps it was better this way. They wouldn't have to risk their lives anymore trying to protect me. Once Victoria had her revenge Forks could finally be a place safe from sadistic vampires. Paralyzed in fear all I could do was stand there and wait for my fate. I closed my eyes unable to watch what was about to happen. All I wanted to see now was Jake's face. I heard the glass shatter and I was finally able to find my voice. I screamed out as loud as I could. I felt her hands grasp me as she began shaking me violently. Her hands were hot, really hot, and not cold like a vampire's.

"Bella!" I heard a voice say. It wasn't Victoria's voice. It wasn't even a woman's voice.

"Bella! Wake up, Bella!" The voice cried again. My eyes flung open and I sat straight up in bed. I had to slap my hand with my mouth to stop the shrieking and I could feel my face wet with tears. Embry sat back on the bed releasing his grip on me and holding his hand up in the air defensibly.

"Shh! It's ok, it's just me, Embry." He stated looking at me warily. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself. It took my brain a moment to realize it was just a dream and Embry had just saved me from the worst part of it.

"Holy crow, Embry!" I said slapping his bare shoulders with all the strength I could muster. "You scared the hell out of me!"

"I'm sorry. But you were already screaming before I even touched you! I thought you were dreaming, I was trying to wake you up." he said.

I gasped another deep breath and placing my hand over my racing heart trying to calm myself.

"What are you doing here? Why are you in my room? How did you…" I trailed off when my eyes caught sight of the shattered glass in the floor.

"Embry?!" I shouted indicating toward the broken window. "What the hell?!"

"I'm sorry! I saw in Jake's mind when he did it that night he came to tell you about what we are andwell, I wanted to try it." he said sounding amused at himself. I gaped at him in disbelief and honestly at a loss or words. "I'm sorry! You're window, it's too clean! It looked open! I'll pay for it, I swear!"

"Why the hell are you breaking in my window in the early morning for anyway?! What's wrong with you people! There are front doors on a house for a perfectly good reason, you know! Just because you're an animal doesn't mean you get to act like one!" I rambled on.

"I tried the front door. I've been knocking for at least fifteen minutes now and no one answered. So I improvised. And Bella, noon o'clock is technically not morning anymore." he stated smartly.

Was it really already noon? Why hadn't Charlie answered the door?

"Where is Charlie? Why didn't he answer the door?" as though I really expected Embry to know the answers. I stumbled out of bed walking over to my dresser realizing how awkward it was just sitting there in my thin tank top and shorts chatting it up with Embry. I pulled out my favorite old grey sweatshirt and slipped it on turning to face Embry who was still sitting on my bed. "You know, I don't know which will infuriate him more. That you broke his window or that you did it trying to sneak in to his daughter's bedroom!"

I stood there starring at him waiting on his response then I noticed the obvious distracted and sad look on his face. Surely he wasn't scared of Charlie. Though, maybe he should be.

"You never answered my question. What are you doing here, anyway?" I asked impatiently crossing my arms over my chest.

"Um…Charlie's not here." he finally said looking down at his feet.

"Yeah, I kind of figured that out when he didn't come running to my rescue when you tried to rape me just now!" I stated smartly.

"Bella, I wasn't trying too…"

"Oh geez, Embry, I know! I was just kidding."

He was quiet for another second before taking a deep breath and then answered.

"Charlie is with Billy."

"Well that's not entirely unusual. It is Saturday. Charlie usually goes down to LaPush to visit Billy on the weekends. Why are we still talking about Charlie? Embry, why are you breaking and entering into my house? It better be for a dang good reason or…"

"It's Jacob." he said the sadness in his voice cutting me off. I gulped. This couldn't be good.

"What about Jacob?" I asked.

"Bella, the red head….she came back last night."

He looked at me waiting for a response but I was frozen in place gaping at him my eyes widening in fear, awaiting his next words.

"We thought we had her. It was her scent and all and we chased her clear out of town. Sam finally came down on him only to realize it wasn't her. It was another vampire that reeked of her scent. Sam realized we had been tricked. That red headed leech tricked us so she could get to you. But Jacob had stayed behind because he was with you all day. He was keeping watch outside your house when…" he trailed off.

"When what? What Embry?! What happened?" I stammered.

"He wasn't in his wolf form. We couldn't warn him in time. When he finally changed back it was too late. She caught him off guard."

"What do you mean? What happened Embry? Is Jake okay?" he was taking frustratingly too long to tell me what I needed to know. I ran into my closet slipping on a pair of jeans over my shorts and began to put on my shoes. Clearly Jake wasn't okay since he hadn't come here himself to tell me what happened and Charlie had gone to be with Billy…this couldn't be good. The new Jacob size hole in my chest began to ache at the thought of losing him. This couldn't be happening. No, I refused to think about my life without Jake. He was all I had left now.

"He's okay…somewhat."

_Well that's comforting…not!_

"She…she almost killed him." I stopped tying my shoes as my hand began to shake. The hole started to throb and I couldn't breathe. He said almost though, so she hadn't killed him. But almost was still too close for comfort. Though I couldn't imagine I had any tears left in me to cry fresh ones were quickly building up in my eyes and I fought to keep them from spilling over.

"She would have killed him." he said sadly. "Thank God for Leah!" My head snapped up and I glared up at him in utter confusion.

"What? Leah…?" I couldn't find the words.

"Yeah, Leah. Jacob hasn't told you yet because he didn't want to freak you out. Leah went through the transformation a few weeks ago. Who knew females could change!" he said obviously still shocked himself. "Sam made her stay back because he said she was ready for the fight. We could all see the real reason in his head, though. He couldn't stand the thought of her getting hurt. She was pissed, of course. But thank goodness she did stay!"

"Leah's a wolf?" I said still in disbelief.

"Yeah, I know! Shocked the heck out of all of us, too!"

"So how did she…?" I was still unable to find the right words. Thankfully, Embry was able to make sense of my half questions.

"Leah is way faster than all of us! Well, except for Jacob. When Leah saw in Sam's mind that we caught and killed the wrong vampire she was the one that realized it was an intentional deception and not just some bizarre mistake. She knew Jake was at your house and was already on her way there. She got there just in time to stop that bloodsucker from snapping his neck!" He said more thrilled than worried.

"But Leah! Oh my…is she, how did she..?"

"She caught the red head off guard. That reeking vamp thought she had all of us following her minion out of town. She wasn't expecting that one of us stayed back. Leah was able to get a good chunk out of her and fight her off until the rest of us could get there and finish her off!" he grinned.

"Victoria is…dead?" I choked.

"Finally! Maybe now we can all get some rest!"

While the thought of Victoria's demise should be comforting I found it hard to be appeased at the cost.

"But what about Jacob?!"

"Yeah, Jacob is…not so good. That's actually why I am here."

_Finally!_

"He was messed up pretty bad. I think she broke nearly every bone in his body. He's in a lot of pain, though he is trying hard to hide it."

I cringed at his word. Not Jake, not my Jacob.

"Anyway, we had to stage a car accident to account for Jacob's injuries. That's why Charlie is down at LaPush."

"An accident?"

"Yeah, Sam figured the best way to account for his injuries would be to blame it on a motorcycle accident. They staged it to make it look like he accidently drove it off the road into a ravine. Your dad has to fill out the report and all."

"Where's Jake?" I said, getting to my feet.

"He's…well..he's…they had to take him away."

"What do you mean they had to take him away? Where is he?"

"He had to change back into his human form for the "accident" but now he has to be in wolf form for the doctor to be able to fix him. They have to set the broken bones while he is a wolf before he can change back or he will be, well, all crippled or something like that."

"So where did they take him?"

"Sam took him to see a doctor out of town somewhere. Someone who knows about our kind. Sam trusts him. That's who he took Emily to when he had his…accident. He's actually a doctor who can help Jacob so it was our best bet. He can't very well go to the hospital. Imagine having to explain that!" he snorted with a laugh.

"I want to see him." I said walking out the bedroom door. "Now!"

"Well, I don't know exactly where they took him." he said following me down the stairs. "But Sam said they wouldn't be back for a couple of days. Jacob has to stay a wolf long enough to let the bones start to heal, so they are going to have to keep him in some kind of medically induced coma for a couple of days to keep him from being in so much pain and all. Even then it's going to take him a couple of weeks to fully recover."

My mouth fell open and I dropped to my knees at the bottom of the stairs burying my face in my hands. "Oh Jake!" I cried. Stupid tears. Why did I have to cry right here in front of Embry. I felt ridiculous, but I couldn't help the wave of emotions that took over me at hearing the extent of Jacob's injuries. He was nearly killed because of me! He was in unimaginable pain, because of me! I couldn't stand it!

"Bella, it's okay." Embry said calmly walking over to put his big arm around my shoulders. "Jake's gonna be ok. It just gonna take a few weeks."

"I want to see him Embry. I need…" I sigh, taking a big breath trying to control the tears that were overtaking me now. "I need to be there for him." I stared up at his face trying to beg him with my eyes. He looked thoughtful at me for a moment before speaking.

"I know Bella. But even if I knew where Jacob was…"

"Oh don't give me that!" I shouted at him throwing my hands up in the air. "I know all about how you can hear and see each others thoughts! If Jacob is in wolf form then you know where he is and you can take me there!"

"Ok, but even if I knew how to get there I can't take you there Bella!"

"Why not?!"

He stared at me again for a moment looking torn about his decision on whether to tell me the truth or not.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I just…I can't." he finally said looking truly apologetic.

"It's Sam, isn't it?" He just gazed back at me clearly either unable to answer, or choosing not to. "Sam ordered you not to bring me there, didn't he?" I spat at him getting more infuriated by the minute.

Embry looked at his feet ashamed and just nodded his head.

"Why? Why would he do that?!" Sam's alpha orders were really beginning to frustrate me. Who the heck was he to tell me I couldn't see Jake. Jake needed me. And more so, I needed him.

"Bella, it's not because Sam doesn't want you there."

"Then what is it then?"

"Jacob…well, he looks…rough. He looks really bad. He's afraid it will only upset you. You don't need to see Jake like that really, it's….sickening." I could see the pain in his face as he clearly remembered the last time he saw Jake. I could only imagine.

I huffed loudly standing to my feet throwing on my heavy coat and headed out the door.

"Bella, where are you going?" Embry said confused.

"To talk to Billy!"

"Why?"

I was to my truck now and turned to face him before getting in.

"Because Sam might be able to alpha order you around, but not Billy and certainly not me! I'm going to find out where he took Jake and then I am going to see him!" I said turning around getting into my truck then slamming the door behind me. "You coming?!" I shouted at him through the window. He stood there for a second gazing at me in astonishment. Sam might scare the rest of them but not me. And he wasn't going to keep me from seeing Jake. A smile broke across Embry's face and he walked around to the passenger side of the truck and climbed in.

"Okay," he said. "Let's go."


	7. Chapter 7

Hey friends, so so sorry for the long delay in getting this posted! It has been a very busy holiday season. Hope you enjoy, and I promise to finish and post the next chapter soon! Thank you all for reading and being so patient with me!

Chapter Seven

Bella's POV

"Bells!" Charlie called as I slammed the truck door behind me and stomped up the walkway to the house.

"Bella!" he called again more sternly. I continued to ignore him and stormed into the house and slammed that door as well.

I knew I was acting like a child, but honestly, I didn't care. What right did Billy Black have to refuse to tell me where Jacob was or even how he was doing? Jacob was my best friend and it was because of me that he was injured. I needed to be there for him and it infuriated me to no end that Billy would outright refuse to tell me anything concerning his whereabouts or well being. I was fuming mad and not attempting in the least to hide it. Sure I may have overreacted a little bit basically throwing a fit in the middle of the Black's living room before Charlie carried me to my truck, shoved me inside and ordered me to go home. He followed me just to be sure I did as he said. I was halfway up the staircase to my bedroom before Charlie made it through the front door.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" he shouted after me. Oh joy, here it comes. If there was one thing I did remember about my father from years ago was that the use of my full name did not mean good things. I stopped and turned to face him, staring up at me from the bottom of the stairs.

"Do_ not_ walk away from me when I am speaking to you!" he said harshly, his face turning a fierce shade of red. I sighed heavily. I wasn't upset with Charlie and I had no right to be so rude to him. I stared at him blankly waiting for him to continue.

He sighed heavily trying to calm himself and then look up at me again.

"Look, Bella," he started, "It is Billy's business if he wants to keep it to himself about Jacob. He is real tore up over the whole situation and he is probably just worried about him."

"I just want to be able to go see him, dad."

"Well, give Billy some time to calm down from all of this. Billy hasn't even had a chance to go see him yet. He probably wants to go check on Jacob himself before anyone else goes to visit."

"Sam knows where he is." I said spitefully.

"Sam was the one who took Jacob. Billy didn't want Jacob going to just any doctor and Dr. Birmingham is Quiluete, so he is more comfortable with him. Sam knew where his private office was so he offered to take him there for Billy."

My eyes burned with tears. It was clear I wasn't going to win this battle and I would be forced to wait it out until they brought Jacob back home. I stared at my feet trying to fight the tears that were building up.

"Bells." Charlie sighed, walking up the stairs and wrapping me in a hug.

"He's going to be okay." He said comfortingly. I just nodded my head into his chest.

"I'm going to go back to bed for a while." I sniffled.

"Sure." He let go of my and I slowly turned and started back up the stairs to my room.

"I've got to run down to the station. Fill out the report. I'll be back by nightfall."

It only then dawned on me that I didn't even know what sort of accident had been staged to explain Jacob's injuries.

"Hey dad," I said turning to face him again.

"Yeah Bells."

"What happened?"

He looked at me confused for a moment.

"To Jake, I mean. What happened?"

"He crashed. He was on a motorcycle." He scoffed, shaking his head. "He said he fell asleep. He ran right off the road into a ravine. It's a miracle he wasn't killed." Charlie sighed. My eyes widened with shock. I hadn't realized they had staged an accident with the motorcycle.

"Oh.".

"Bells," Charlie said looking somewhere between curious and furious.

"Please tell me you have never ridden on that death machine with him?" he asked sternly.

I froze for a second contemplating my answer, not wanting to lie to Charlie. But truthfully I had never ridden on Jake's motorcycle with him.

"No, of course not, dad." I finally said, shaking my head.

He nodded to himself. "Good. Well, um, get some rest. I'll see you tonight."

With that I turned and practically ran to my room throwing myself on my bed. I was too upset to sleep right now, yet to angry to cry. I desperately wanted to find a way to see Jake. I needed to be near him, needed to feel the warmth of his presence, and to see for myself that he was going to be ok. I thought in circles for hours, tossing and turning before my brain finally tired out and I couldn't stand lying there being so unproductive any longer.

I sat up in bed gazing around the room lazily. My eyes stopped on the mess of shattered glass in the floor. I huffed angrily to myself remembering why it was laying there in the first place. A cold breeze was blowing in from the window. Not the best time of year to have a draft in your room.

"Stupid Embry!" I mumbled under my breath. I climbed out the bed and headed to the hall closet to fetch the broom. A scream involuntarily ripped through my throat when I turned the corner and walked straight into a dark figure. Instinctively I began slapping at the form in front of me.

"Chill, geez!" Embry said with a chuckle swatting at my slaps as though shewing a fly. After giving myself a second to restart my heart I looked up at him with chagrin.

"Embry, you scared the heck out of me! Again!"

"Good to see you again, too." He smirked.

I punched him in the stomach.

"Jerk!" I proclaimed.

"Well, that's not very nice way to treat your guest. Didn't your mother ever teach you manners?"

"Didn't your mother ever teach you to knock first before just barging in to people's houses?" I came back.

"I knocked!" he defended.

"Oh yeah, and there is a real good purpose for that you know? You are supposed to wait until someone answers the door before you come in!"

He chuckled and shook his head. I pushed past him and reached the hall closet opening the door and searching for the broom.

"What are you here for this time? Please tell me the front door is still in once piece?"

"Actually, Jacob sent me.

That caught my attention. I nearly dropped the broom and turned too quickly to face him tripping over the broom and tumbled to the floor. Embry caught me by the arm and helped me back to my feet laughing to himself.

"You really are clumsy, aren't you?" he mused.

"You've talked to Jacob? How is he, where is he? How did you talk to him?" I rambled on until Embry placed his hand over my mouth to hush me. He lifted a finger to his forehead and tapped his temple. I shoved his hand away from my face.

"What they heck is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I didn't actually speak to him. I guess you could say I 'heard' him." he smirked.

"Oh." I understood. I had forgotten the wolves could hear each other's thoughts.

"So, how is he?"

"Well, he's…he's ok." He hesitated, as if to find the right words. "They had to give him a lot of sedatives to ease the pain so he's gonna be out a while."

I cringed inwardly. I hated thinking of Jacob being in so much pain. Embry noticed my inner turmoil and patted me on the shoulder.

"He's going to be okay, you know. We heal really fast, I mean, really fast!"

I nodded my head at him.

"Look," he started after a moment. "Jake said for me to keep an eye on you and to fill you in on how he was doing as often as I could. So, here I am."

"And?"

"And? What? I just told you. He's fine." He shrugged.

"Embry! There has to be more to it than that! Tell me exactly how he is!"

"There's nothing much to tell. I was only able to hear him for a few minutes before they knocked him out. Just long enough for him to tell me what he wanted."

"And what was that?"

"He wanted me to fill you in on all the gory details of his recovery, minus the gory part." He smirked. "He knew that Sam would tell Billy not to let you come see him, so he wanted you to have a way to know he was alright."

"Wait, what?" I asked.

"Jacob wanted you to know he was alright?" he said hesitantly noting my angered tone.

"Not that! Why would Sam tell Billy to not let me see him?"

"Oh….um…well, I don't know." He shrugged.

I stared at him for a moment trying to determine if he was telling me the truth or if he was lying to me. Embry looked down tracing his foot in circles on the floor. Is was clear he wasn't telling me the truth.

"Embry, you are lying to me!" I snapped.

"Look, Bella, there is a lot I can't explain to you right now."

"Why not?"

"It's just that, well…" he stammered over his words, "I can't." he finally concluded.

"Embry!"

"It's complicated!" He said, frustrated. "It's beside the point anyway."

"How is it beside the point? It's the whole point that Jacob is having you sneak around telling me his thoughts when I could just go see him myself if you would just tell me why Sam doesn't want me to see him!"

"It's not that Sam doesn't want you to see him. It's, well, he doesn't want Jacob to see you." He stated with a worried expression on his face that he might divulge too much.

"Why would Sam not want Jacob to see me, I don't understand?" I was getting further confused the more Embry said and though I tried to wrack my brain for a logical explanation I didn't understand. Sam had always seemed to rub me the wrong way and I could never quite figure out why. But what had I ever done to him? Why would he not want Jake to see me and who was he to tell him he couldn't?

"Look, like I said, it's beside the point. Jacob didn't want me to tell you that part. It just kind of slipped. For now, all I can tell you is Jake is doing well and is on his way to a full recovery." He said, nodding his head. I wanted to argue, but decided against it. Embry wasn't the most insightful person and I figured I would wait until I could talk to Jacob about it. I felt a nag of dread as I realized I didn't know how long that could be.

"How long?" I asked.

"How long until what?"

"Until Jake is better? When can I see him?"

"I don't know. A week? Maybe two. That's longer than it usually takes us, but then again, none of us have ever been that banged up before." Again, I cringed at his words and shook my head staring into my hands. Poor Jake. How badly I wanted to be by his side right now to help him through all of this. It was my fault he was in this situation in the first place. I sighed deeply. Again, Embry patted me on the shoulder.

"He's gonna be ok, Bella." he assured me.

I just nodded my head at him not able to shake my concern for Jake.

"Look at the bright side! In the meantime we will get to spend a lot of quality time together!" he perked up. I raised an eyebrow at him with a half smirk on my face at his optimism.

"And why is that?"

"I told you. Jake gave me strict orders to look after you while he was away, and I fully intend to honor his request!" he stated eagerly.

"Oh joy!" I said sarcastically, smiling at him. I didn't want Embry to get his feelings hurt, but I was certainly capable of looking after myself. Well, now that there wasn't a sadistic vampire out to kill me anymore. A chill ran down my spine at the thought of how close she'd come to finally getting her revenge.

"By the way, he was pretty pissed with me for breaking your window this morning. I swear if he could, he would rip my head off for it." He snickered.

"That reminds me!" I said shoving the broom into his chest.

He looked at me puzzled for a moment and then understanding crossed his face and he took the broom from my hand knowingly.

"You break it, you buy it!" I stated. Embry laughed. He had a similar lightheartedness about him that Jacob did and I was comfortable enough around him.

"Yeah, yeah." He laughed. "As a matter of fact, I brought a new pane with me. It's in the truck. I'll replace it once we get the glass cleaned up." He offered.

I tilted my head at him, surprised he honestly intended to fix the broken window himself, and even more impressed he knew how.

"Thanks." I said genuinely. I was beginning to think that Embry, despite his habit of showing up quite unexpected, wasn't all that bad. I could easily see why Jacob and he were friends, before the whole werewolf thing.

After Embry swept, I used the vacuum to suck up any leftover shards and then mopped just to be sure.

"Anal much?" he teased me.

"Do you want me to cut my foot and have to explain the Charlie why there is broken glass in my floor?"

He nodded his head with a smirk on his face. "Whatever."

After the mess was clean Embry removed the broken window pane and replaced it with the one he brought with him. While he worked I sat on my bed and listened to him tell me stories about how he worked with his dad on constriction sites during his summer break doing small repair jobs here and there to earn extra cash.

"Gotta have the cha-ching to impress the ladies, ya know?" he smiled, wagging his big eye brows at me. I couldn't help myself and I laughed at him. He laughed along not letting it affect his ego.

It was easy hanging out with Embry. He was kind of fun to be around. In a way he reminded me a lot of Jake; his easy going nature and effortless banter. I was beginning to think it wasn't going to be half bad putting up with him the next couple of weeks. Though, hopefully it wouldn't need to be for that long.

After Embry finished repairing the window we took the evidence out to the garbage and hid it below a few trash bags. I made us some sandwiches and we sat in the kitchen and chatted lightly while we ate our lunch. Again I thought about how pleasant Embry was and was glad to have him as a substitute until Jake was better. Speaking of…

"So, when do you plan to talk to Jacob again?" I was already anxious for any update on his condition.

"Uh, I'm not sure. They've got him knocked out for the next couple of days so if I were to try to hear him now all I would see are his dreams, and there's no way I want to see what he's dreaming!" he laughed.

"Oh, yeah. I guess that would be kind of awkward." I agreed and we both laughed.

Embry left after lunch promising to return once he had any new information about Jacob. It bothered me knowing that it would likely be a couple of days until I would hear from him again.

I prepared spaghetti and garlic rolls for dinner and Charlie walked through the door just as I was setting it on the table.

"Hey Bells." He greeted me.

"Hey dad."

"Something smells good."

"Dinner is ready. Hope you are hungry?"

"Starved!" he said with a grin pleasantly eyeing the table of food. The oven timer buzzed and I turned to pull the garlic rolls from the oven. The delicious smell of butter, herbs, and garlic filled the kitchen as I removed them from the oven.

"Just in time." I said taking in a big whiff.

For the most part we ate dinner in silence. We exchanged the usual "how was your day". When we were threw eating Charlie helped me clear the table and even dried the dishes as I washed them.

"I talked to Billy this afternoon." He started.

"Oh? Did he say anything about how Jacob was doing?"

"He did. In fact he said his injuries aren't as bad as they originally seemed and he should be able to come back home in a week or two."

What was he talking about, not that bad? Embry said nearly every bone in his body was crushed! Then I realized why Billy had told him that. Jacob healed faster than normal human beings. Billy wouldn't be able explain Jacob's exceptionally fast recovery from his extensive injuries to someone who didn't know about werewolves. Not wanting to give too much away I nodded in response. Charlie observed my reaction for a moment looking curiously at me.

"Well don't seem too excited." He said sarcastically.

"No, I am." I started. "It's just, well, if he is not all that bad off does that mean I can see him?"

"Bells…" he said hesitantly.

"What?"

"You know what. We already had this discussion." He stated.

"Yes. But that was this morning, before you talked to Billy."

"Well, Billy sort of made it clear that Jacob wouldn't be seeing any visitors."

I huffed. "But…"

"Bella, just leave it at that. Let's not go through this again. Respect Billy's wishes. Jacob will be home before you know it and you two can go back to hanging out, or whatever it is you do." He said making it clear this topic was no long up for discussion.

"Okay." I finally said.

When all the dishes were dried and put away I turned to face Charlie.

"Thanks." I said genuinely. It was very unusual for him to help me with cleaning up after dinner. As a matter of fact, this was the first time I could remember him doing it at all. He smiled and patted me on the back.

"It's the least I can do." He said. "Dinner was great, thanks.

I smiled back at him.

"I'm going to go watch some television if you want to join me?"

That was code for the sports channel.

"Thanks. I think I'm going to head to bed. I took some of those pills and they are making me a little sleepy." I had almost forgotten about my cracked ribs today until this afternoon when I bent over to pick up a pan to cook with and a sharp pain shot through my chest. There was no ignoring that. So, reluctantly, I took some of the pain reliever the doctor had prescribed me.

"Oh, right." He said obviously having forgotten about it as well. "How are you feeling by the way?"

"It's not bad." I lied. "I just wanted to be able to get a good night's rest."

The previous night's lack of sleep combined with the pain reliever was really starting to wear on me, and fast.

He nodded. "Okay, well, good night." He said.

"Night."

He turned and left to go into the living room where he would remain the rest of the evening.

Feeling the weight of the medication in my eyelids I knew it was time I retire. I made my way upstairs managing to only trip on the last step. I hardly had my pajamas on before I collapsed in the bed. It made sense to me now why I hadn't heard any of the commotion going on outside my window last night. I was surprised I had the strength to stay awake all night like I had. Emotions are a funny thing. I rolled over not having the strength to get underneath the covers and fell quickly fell asleep.

As tired as I was it couldn't keep the nightmares away. My nightmares were vivid and horrific. Tonight I dreamed about Victoria. I was in the forest and I saw her headed for me, blood lust in her eyes. I was running as fast as my feet would carry me though they felt heavy and sluggish against the soggy ground. I didn't dare turn around to see if she was gaining on me. I knew she was, and my fate was inevitable. Yet, I still tried. I had to try. I wasn't going down without a fight. I could see the opening to the meadow ahead. The same meadow I had run into Laurant. The same meadow as….

My foot hit a large stump and I tumbled to the ground. I turned to see Victoria running full speed straight for me. My heart pounded in my chest as I desperately tried to release my foot from the stump. She was closing the distance between us at an unbelievable speed. I threw my arms up in defense and waited for the impact. I heard a loud growl roar behind me and Jacob, in his wolf form, leapt over me and stood in a protective stance between Victoria and me.

"Jacob no!" I warned. "She'll kill you! Jacob, please!" I begged. He ignored my cries and instead braced himself for impact. Victoria slammed into him with incredible force flinging his body several yards away.

"Jacob!" I cried trying harder to untangle my foot.

Victoria stood over him now ready for the kill.

"Jake, get up!" I shouted. He lay helpless, whimpering in pain. Tears began streaming down my face. "Jake, get up! Please, get up!"

Victoria turned to face me, a sadistic grin on her lips. "Say goodbye to your pup!" she hissed.

"No, please, NO!" I screamed tears streaming down my face.

"Take me! Kill me! Leave him alone! Please!"

"Bella!" I heard a voice cry.

"Please don't hurt him!"

"Bella!" The voice cried again.

She reached for his throat, her evil gazed locked in my eyes.

"No, stop, please stop!" I continued screaming.

"Bella! Wake up, Bella!" I felt someone grab my arms and began shaking me. "Bella!"

A blood curdling scream ripped through my throat as I finally drifted into consciousness. I sat straight up in bed, staring my father in the face. He had a dreadfully worried expression on his face. I realized I had just been dreaming and took several deep breaths.

"I'm sorry." I said, looking down.

"It's ok." He sighed. "Bad dream?"

I nodded. Bad dream was an understatement.

"Haven't had one of those in a while." He noted. "About Jacob?"

I looked at him questioningly.

"You were screaming for him." He said.

"Oh," I said, blushing in embarrassment.

"It's ok. He's going to be ok." He said soothingly.

"I know." I said, knowing I could never explain to him that wasn't what my dream was about. He ran his hand over my head wiping my hair from my face and then kissed me gently on my forehead.

"Do you need any more medicine?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"Some water, maybe?"

"No, I'm fine. Thanks."

"Ok, well, get some rest."

Charlie tucked the covers around me and then left the room. _Just a dream_, I told myself. _It was just a dream._ I wish. For all I knew that was exactly what happened to Jacob last night. To see him laying there so helpless, and in so much pain broke my heart. The sound of his bones crushing when she crashed into him still echoed in my ears. Tears filled my eyes again and this time I didn't try to fight them. I cried until I fell asleep again.

The next week was a blur. My days were so routine it was monotonous. I'd wake up in the morning and get ready for school. I'd arrive to school too early and review my assignments for the day while I waited for my first class to start. When I got home from school and I would check the answering machine. No messages. I do some homework and check the machine again. You know, just in case I was studying so intently that I didn't hear the phone ring. Still, no messages. I'd cook dinner glancing at the machine every so often, and even checked to make sure the ringer was on. I had the table set by the time Charlie walked through the door. We'd exchange a few details about our day and then finish eating in silence. After cleaning the dishes I would finish homework. And before heading to bed I would check the machine one more time. Still, no messages, no missed calls. And every night was another nightmare that resulted in Charlie having to shake me awake. By the end of the week I still had not heard from Embry and my grateful attitude towards him had faded into frustration. Why hadn't he called? Friday night I tried calling his house only to get the answering machine informing me they had left town for a family weekend getaway. How could Embry leave for vacation and not so much as call and tell me?! Some mediator he was!

The following week was even more unbearable, if that was possible. My nightmares were even worse; though, without the medication in my system I was finally able to wake myself up screaming before Charlie had to come in and wake me. I tried calling Embry every day when I got home from school but still got the answering machine. On Thursday night Embry's mother answered the phone. I was so used to hearing her voice when the machine picked up that I almost hung up as soon as I heard her say hello.

"Oh, hi Ms. Call. This is Bella, Bella Swan."

"Hi, Bella dear." She had a sweet, soft voice that was so calming. "What can I do for you?"

"I was hoping to speak with Embry. I've been trying to reach him all week." I explained.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that dear. Embry has been behind on his school work because he has been out with his friends so much lately, so he is currently grounded. However, if there is a message I can relay to him for you dear, I will gladly do so."

Well, that was just peachy! Though it did explained why he hadn't come by or returned my calls.

"Um, I guess you could just tell him that I called." I said.

"I sure will dear. He will regain his phone and visitor privileges this weekend so I will tell him to call you."

"Thank you, Ms. Call."

"You're welcome, Bella. Good night dear." She said ever so politely.

"Good night." I said hanging up the phone.

Grounded? Great! How helpful was that? By Friday afternoon I made the decision I would drive down to La Push first thing in the morning and talk to him.

Saturday morning I awoke early, not able to sleep in. I dressed quickly and headed downstairs to warm up my truck while I ate some breakfast. I slipped in my jacket and stepped outside. The fog was thick this morning. So much so I couldn't see my truck from the front porch. I started down the walk to the driveway. It was warmer out now that it was April, but the early morning air still held a chill.

I reached the driveway and looked up to see a dark figure walking towards me. I was still a little on edge from my dream the night before and I froze in my steps and stared at the image coming towards me. As the fog cleared the space between us I could see the bronzy skin of his arms and dark hair.

"Embry!" I said with relief.

"Embry?" said a familiar, warm voice. "Have I been gone so long you don't even remember what I look like anymore?"

I jerked my head up staring into his face that stood only a foot from me now.

"Jacob?!"


	8. Chapter 8

I'm so excited about this chapter. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just glad that Jacob is back! Let me know what you think! Thanks again for reading! Love you guys, seriously!

Chapter 8

Bella's PO

I stared at him skeptically. _I'm dreaming. I'm still asleep and this is just a dream._ I frantically turned around looking to the woods edge waiting for Victoria to appear. In the back of my mind I was going over my morning in my head. I remembered waking up. I remembered the soothing hot water of the shower I took this morning. I remembered stubbing my toe on the bed frame in my rush to get dressed. Unlike in a dream, I could remember too many details about my morning.

"Bella?" Jacob said, looking confused when I didn't say anything.

I turned to face him again. He smiled warily at me with a slight puzzled look in his eyes. A light breeze blew through my hair sending a chill down my back and arms. You don't get the chills in a dream.

"Hello, earth to Bella?" he laughed.

"I'm not dreaming, am I?"

"Is that why you are standing there like you've just seen a ghost?"

"Are you _really_ here?" I asked, still skeptical.

"Bella." He laughed and shook his head. The warmth of his smile and the calming sound of his laugh made it real. He was Jacob, my Jacob, and he was really here, standing in front of me. A smile spread across my face so big my cheeks hurt and tears began welding in my eyes.

"Oh Jacob, it is you!" I said jumping into his arms and wrapping mine tight around him. I buried my face in his chest and felt the warmth of his body engulf me. He even smelled like my Jacob. His scent reminded me of warm sugar cookies fresh from the oven and cedar chips. Odd combination, I know. But that was my Jacob.

"Of course it's me." he laughed.

I felt him nuzzle his nose into the top of my head and his hot breath brushed through my hair and carried down my body overwhelming me with an unusual sense of security. For the first time in weeks the subtle ache in my chest was gone with his touch. Wrapped in his arms I realized not only did I feel safe, but I could finally breath.

"A little exuberant this morning, are we?" he teased. I nodded into his chest. I was afraid to pull away. Afraid if I did he would disappear and I would realize I was dreaming. When I didn't let go he lowered his head resting his warm cheek against mine.

"Did you miss me?" he whispered. His lips unintentionally brushed my ear sending a charge of electricity through my body and causing me to shiver. _What an odd reaction._ The feeling was vaguely familiar and bitter sweet. The only person I ever felt that electric sensation with was…Edward. I had spent plenty of time around Jake before and never felt that before. It was different. But pleasant, I suppose. Yet still odd and I stepped back releasing him from my grip.

"Yes. I mean, I just wasn't expecting…" I didn't know what to say really. Thrilled as I was, I certainly wasn't expecting to see Jacob when I stepped out my front door this morning. And this new electric reaction to him had taken me off guard and I was at a loss for words.

"I know. I probably should have called before I came, it's just, it was early and I didn't want to wake you if you were still sleeping."

"Are you kidding me? I've been dying to see you for two weeks now!"

He smiled at my words. "So you did miss me." More of a statement than a question this time. I felt my face flush and I lowered my eyes to the ground to hide my embarrassment.

"Yes." I said, nodding at the ground. "Of course I did."

He reached out and took my hand in his like he always did. But this time his touch sent a tingle up my arm.

"Good. Cause I missed you too."

I looked up and met his eyes again and smiled.

"Were you headed somewhere?" he asked indicating towards the truck.

"Oh, yes, actually." I said, remembering my original morning plans. "I was just on my way to go see Embry about why he hasn't been to tell me how you've been doing."

Jacob laughed. "Oh, that's right. He got himself grounded… again. Sorry about that."

"It's not your fault." I said with a trace of spite in my tone.

"It's not Embry's either, you know."

"Oh really?" I replied smartly. "And how is that?" I wasn't exactly happy with Embry for standing me up the past two weeks, so I wasn't about to blindly accept Jacob's defense for him.

"His mom doesn't know about, well, about what we are. So she doesn't understand why he has been out so much lately. She thinks he is up to no good when he is out at all hours of the night, when he is really making rounds and helping out the pack. She is just trying to do her best. She just doesn't know what else to do with him."

"Why…how…why doesn't she know?"

"When Embry got 'the fever' she panicked. She didn't know what to do so she called my dad. My dad knew what was really happening, of course, and called Sam. Sam came and got him and took him to Dr. Birmingham while he went through the transformation. They told Ms. Call he had mono and Dr. Birmingham would take care of him for a while till he was well enough to come home. When he came back he was fine. We told him what he was and he accepted it."

This didn't make any sense. All the other parents of the werewolves knew what their sons, and daughter, were. So why not Ms. Call?

"Why didn't your dad and Sam tell her the truth? You know, save Embry all the trouble he's been getting in."

"Embry asked us not to tell her. She's a single mom and he was afraid she would freak out and all. He just didn't want to upset her, you know. We've tried respecting his wishes, but I think Sam is going to tell Embry it's time to tell her no matter what the consequence. She might be more easily able to accept it if she realizes she's not alone and it's not just her son. I think she would be proud of him for all he has done."

The anger and resentment that had been building inside me the past two weeks towards Embry was slowly diminishing. I thought of two weeks ago when Embry first came over to tell me about Jake and the day we spent together and how I thought he was a pretty decent guy. I had no right to be mad at him. Though I really wanted to be, he didn't deserve it. He had been nothing but nice to me, maybe a little annoying at time, but still nice and he was trying to do what he could to help. I resolved that I was no longer angry with him. Jacob was here now, and it didn't matter anymore. What did matter was something else Jacob had said.

"So, Dr. Birmingham, huh?" That was where Embry said Sam had taken Jacob when he got hurt. Which also reminded me of something else Embry had said: that Sam didn't want Jacob hanging out with me anymore, and I couldn't hide the bitterness in my tone as I spoke. Jacob didn't miss my anger in my demeanor and looked at me questioningly.

"What about him?"

"So has that where you have been all this time? At Dr. Birmingham's?"

Another smile spread across Jacob's face that was so heartwarming I was beginning to realize it was hard to be angry at anyone in Jacob's presence. Just one look at that big smile on his face melted away any hard feeling I had towards anyone.

"Yes." he answered.

"So where is this Dr. Birmingham?"

"In Clearwater a little ways South from here."

"A place only werewolves are allowed to go, or something?"

Jacob shook his head laughed lightly making me assume he knew where this conversation was headed. When his gaze met mine again it was so sincere I had the sudden feeling that I couldn't breathe and another chill ran down my back causing goose bumps to rise on my arms. _Get a hold of yourself, Bella, geez!_

"Why are you laughing at me?" I protested.

"Because you are about as threatening as an angry kitten when you are upset." He chuckled. "It's cute."

I scowled at him only causing him to laugh harder at me and I punched at him playfully. He caught my punch in his hand and again his warmth caused me to shiver.

"Do you want to go inside, Bella?" he asked.

"What?" I said, confused by the sudden change in topic.

"You're freezing out here, you keep shivering. Let's go inside to talk." he said motioning toward the door. I wasn't about to tell him the shivers were not from the chill in the air this morning. So I turned to go inside. He followed me into the living room and we both sat on the sofa facing each other. I didn't miss how close he was sitting next to me or how it made my heart unexpectedly flutter. After a moment of sitting there quietly Jacob cleared his throat.

"Bella, don't be mad at Sam."

I scoffed. "Why does that sound so familiar?"

"Seriously, Bella. He had good intentions."

"Jacob, I don't understand. All I wanted to do was come see you. Embry tells me you were attacked and nearly killed by Victoria, and Billy won't tell me anything. Then Embry tells me you want him to communicate to me how you are doing because Sam won't let me come see you. And then Embry gets grounded so I don't hear a peep from him the whole two weeks and … you can't imagine how worried I was." Realizing I was ranting I trailed off, sadness thick in my voice. He reached for my hand and when his skin me mine chills ran up my arms again.

"I'm sorry. I wanted you there too, but there was nothing I could do." he said earnestly. "I thought I had figured out a good way for you to still be able to keep in touch through Embry; however, I hadn't considered how often Embry gets grounded." He laughed.

"But why didn't Sam want me to come in the first place?"

"Sam has his reasons. Not that I agree with them. Obviously, or I wouldn't be here now. But he was just looking out for you."

"Looking out for me? Jacob, I don't understand. Please just tell me what's going on." I begged. He stared at me intently for a moment and then sighed.

"Look, Bella. It doesn't matter anyway. Sam's wrong. I won't do that to you…I can't."

"Wrong about what?"

I could tell he was really struggling with telling me. Like maybe he wanted to, but couldn't.

"Did Sam order you not to tell me?" I snapped.

"No, he didn't. It's just that it is difficult to explain and like I said, it doesn't matter anyway."

"It matters to me!" I insisted. I wasn't used to Jacob keeping secrets from me, and it hurt. After another moment of silence I heard Jacob take a deep breath, as though he was about to deliver bad news or something.

"Sam saw our kiss." He said seriously. To my surprise he didn't seem embarrassed by it. I, on the other hand, felt the heat rise to my cheeks immediately and I was sure I blushing bright red. I hadn't considered when I kissed Jake that all the other wolves would be able to see that once Jacob was in wolf form again. I didn't dare look at Jake now.

"So." Was all I could manage to respond.

"So…Sam doesn't think it's a good idea."

"Sam doesn't think what is a good idea?"

"He doesn't think we should be in a relationship…like that, anyway."

My embarrassment quickly diminished and was replaced with anger. Sam had a way of bringing out the worst in me; or as Jake had put it, the angry kitten. Who was Sam to tell us what kind of relationship we should or shouldn't have?

"What?!" I snapped. "Who is he to tell us what kind of relationship we can have? That's none of his business!"

"Bella, like I said, don't be mad at Sam. He is just trying to protect you."

"Protect me? From what?!"

"From me." He said sadly, then looking down at our entwined hands between us. He rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb slowly.

Emily's face flashed before my eyes, the three viciously lines that scared her beautiful face and body now, and will, forever. Sam could never take it back, and now her scares were a torturous reminder of his actions every time Sam looked at her. Now I understood. But Jacob was right, Sam was wrong. Jacob would never do that to me.

"Jake," I said soothingly, taking his and in both of mine. "You would never hurt me like that. I know you wouldn't. I trust you. What happened to Emily, that was an accident, but you would never…"

"It's not just about that, Bella!" he interrupted me jumping to his feet, throwing his hands in the air and paced across the room. He ran both his hands through his dark hair in frustration. "Though, there is _that_ to worry about, too." He sighed. I stared at him blankly not knowing what to say. I'd never seen him like this before. He turned to me starring into my confused expression and I could see the tears building in his eyes. "He's right about that, though."

"What?"

"I shouldn't be here. We shouldn't be together."

His words burned like fire and I could feel the ache building in my chest again.

"But you just said he was wrong. How can you say that?"

"Because I'm not good for you Bella!" he snapped. "Can't you see that?"

I'd heard those words before and immediately they ripped open the hole in my chest. _Not again, please not again!_ Tears began spilling over onto my cheeks uncontrollably. Jake couldn't do this to me too. I couldn't go through this again. I wouldn't survive it this time, I wasn't strong enough. _This can't be happening, not again! _

"Jake, please." I begged through my tears. "Please don't say that."

"What happened to Emily _was_ an accident, but I am totally capable of doing the same thing to you, it's not beyond me! I'm dangerous, Bella, please grasp that!" I had a sudden sense of déjà vu, and I felt the room spinning around me. "But I'm not just dangerous. There are so many ways I could hurt you, Bella. And I promised you I would never hurt you like that."

"Like what?"

"Like _he_ did."

I swallowed back the bile building in my throat. What was he talking about? The only way he could ever hurt me the way Edward had was by what he was saying right now. Didn't he see that losing him too would kill me?

"I don't want to hurt you that way Bella, and believe me I never would… willingly. But Sam says it could happen to any of us, at any time. And when it does it won't be something I can control, as much as I may want to."

"What are you talking about? What could happen?"

He looked at me with sadness in his eyes and I could see he didn't want to tell me.

"Imprinting."

_What?!_

Jake explained the theory of imprinting to me. Of all the underworld fairy tales I had to learn to accept over the last year, this one was a little difficult to swallow. He told me about how Sam and Leah were once in love and even engaged. Then one day he met Emily and 'imprinted' on her and Sam was so love struck he had no choice but to leave Leah. Leah was crushed, of course, but there was nothing Sam could do. It all sounded absolutely ridiculous and absurd; like a really bad case of love at first sight. But Jacob seemed to be convinced it was real; enough to be worried that it could happen to him and if it did it would crush me.

"I don't know Jacob. I just don't see how that could be real."

"I know, Bella. And I thought the same thing too. But when you see it through Sam's eyes and how it all happened. He really loved Leah, but when he saw Emily, something just clicked. Seeing it through his eyes I can feel what he experienced, and trust me, it's real."

"So this imprinting thing is supposed to happen to all of you?" I asked.

"Not supposed to, I guess. It doesn't have to happen. But there is always the chance that it could. And when it does there is no controlling it. Sam is the only one who has experienced it so far."

"So one day you could imprint on someone?"

"I supposed it could happen. According to Sam it could happen at any moment. He keeps waiting on it to happen to me, he thinks I am next, but that is where I think he is wrong."

"Why does he think you are next?"

Jake hesitated. After a moment of deliberating he finally spoke. "It doesn't matter."

"Oh Jake, come on! You have told me everything else." I pointed out. He sighed heavily and looked at the ground when he answered me.

"Because I am an alpha."

"What?"

I heard what he said, but I didn't understand it.

"I thought Sam….?"

"Sam is the alpha, but he is not supposed to be. I am."

"How?"

"Erphrim Black was my great-grandfather. He was the last chief of our tribe and the alpha of the werewolves in his time. So inherently so, I should be the alpha."

"So why aren't you?"

"Because I don't want to be!" He said firmly. "I don't want to be the one in charge, ordering the others around, making them do things they don't want to do." He sighed. "I don't even want to be what I am, let alone have to lead!" he huffed exasperated and I could see his hands shaking now. I stood to walk over to him and he held his hand out at me defensively.

"Bella, don't." he warned. That only made me want to go to him more. I reached for his hand and he pulled it away, taking a few steps back. "Bella, please."

"I trust you." I assured him.

He gazed at me with such sadness in his eyes. "Don't." he said firmly.

"Jake, I trust you!" I said reaching out taking his trembling hand in mine. Jacob sighed heavily, closing his eyes tightly and took several deep breaths as though he was waiting for the worst. Slowly his hands began to calm and his muscles relax. After a moment he seemed to be in control and calm again and a smirk spread across his face.

"See?" I smiled.

"You are some kind of masochist, aren't you?"

"I know you won't hurt me."

He stared at our interlocked hands between us for a moment then gazed up into my eyes. With his eyes locked on mine I felt nervous and breathless again, and though I wanted to look away, I couldn't.

There was no denying that something had changed between Jacob and me, and it was continuing to change every second. I knew in my heart that if we continued going down this road there was no going back. Did I want that? I was ready to let go of Edward and for the most part I think I was able to do that. But was I ready to be in an intimate relationship with someone else? I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I loved Jacob. Every beat of my wounded heart rested on him being in my life. I needed him. But was I ready to be _in_ love with Jacob? I thought I was the night I first kissed him. Now I realize how spur of the moment it had been and I was very emotional that night. I acted purely out of desperation to keep Jacob in my life. I wanted Jacob in my life; the thought of losing him was unbearable. But like this? Did I want him in my life as my boyfriend?

Jacob tugged slightly on my hand pulling me to him. The sudden nearness made my heart stutter and my breath caught in my throat. I gazed at him wide eyed, knowing what was coming next, and I was powerless to stop it; and I still wasn't sure if I wanted to. He seemed so relaxed and confident making my body ache for him in a way I'd never felt before. He leaned in, breathing heavily, his sweet breath blowing over my face and causing a tingle to run down my spine. He brushed hips lips ever so slightly against mine and my heart nearly stopped. His lips hesitated on mine as if asking permission to continue. I couldn't breath, I was frozen in place. His lips were warm and inviting, but I couldn't make myself respond. He raised his free hand to the side of my face and stroked my cheek gently with his thumb.

"Bella?" I heard Charlie call from the top of the stairs. Jacob dropped his hand from my face and took several steps back, turning away from me.

"Yeah dad?" I called, still unable to move.

"Is that you?" It never ceased to puzzle me when people would ask that question knowing good and well who it was they were speaking to.

"Yes, it's me." My feet were finally unfrozen and I stumbled to get around the sofa to the bottom of the stairs so he could see in fact it was Bella Swan, his only daughter that he was speaking to. I glanced up the stairs to see Charlie standing in his flannel pajamas with his infamous bed head and I surpassed a laugh.

"Who are you talking to?"

"Oh, um…" I glanced in the living room at Jake wondering if I should lie, but then remembered how fond of Jacob he was, I knew it wouldn't matter. "Jacob."

"Oh. Did he call? How is he?" he started down the stairs.

"No, well, he's actually here…dad." Jacob stepped around the corner and waved at Charlie, stopping him dead in his tracks a look of awkward embarrassment on his face.

"Oh, uh, hey there Jake." He stuttered.

"Chief." Jacob said with a smirk.

We stood in an awkward silence for a moment before I couldn't take it any longer.

"So, breakfast, anyone?"

"Sure!" Jacob cheered.

"Sounds great!" Charlie commented. "I'll just go change." He turned and practically ran back up the stairs.

When Charlie was gone from sight I turned to face Jake. He was clearly trying to contain his laughter and I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"Come on." I said. "Let's go fix some breakfast."


	9. Chapter 9

So sorry for the delay on this chapter! My sincerest apologies! Hope you enjoy!

Chapter Nine

Bella's POV

Jake and I retreated to the kitchen with smirks on our faces.

"So, what will it be?" I asked.

"I don't know. What are your specialties? Captain Crunch?" he teased.

"Hey!" I laughed, punching him in the stomach. "I just so happen to have mad skills in the kitchen, thank you very much!"

"Okay." he laughed. "So Quaker Oatmeal then?"

I laughed again and couldn't help but feel this was how things were supposed to be between us. I was content. More than that, I was happy; genuinely happy. And that was something I hadn't been in a long time.

"Let's just say that if you are the Jesse James of the garage, then I am the Paula Deen of the kitchen." I said waving my spatula in his face.

"Oh, well then! In that case!" he laughed. "I'd like crepes, French crepes!"

"Crepes are already French! That's why they are called crepes!"

I rummaged through the pantry and fridge searching for ingredients. I spied the loaf of bread I had baked earlier this week and immediately knew what I wanted to prepare.

"How about French toast?" I asked.

"Mmm…that actually sounds really good."

"French toast it is then." I declared grabbing the loaf from the shelf along with the carton of eggs and milk from the fridge and setting them on the counter.

I moved easily around the kitchen collecting what I needed to prepare our breakfast. The kitchen was definitely my element. I loved preparing food; throwing together a mess of ingredient only to be rewarded with a delicious and impressive outcome; it was my one escape. At first, Jacob insisted on helping, so I put him on egg cracking duty. When he successfully managed to crack eggs without a single one making it in the bowl I ordered him to sit at the table and just observe. I cleaned up the egg mess from the counter and started over.

French toast was my favorite breakfast food, by far, and it had been so long since I had made any. My mother always loved my French toast; she said it was the best she'd ever had. Although I knew she was bias, it still made me confident in my French toast making ability. The perfect French toast required one essential ingredient the right kind of bread. Thankfully, in my boredom earlier this week I had baked a loaf of the cinnamon swirl raisin sourdough. Forks didn't have it's own bakery so I had taken up a new hobby; bread baking. That way we could have fresh bread around the house readily available. Charlie never complained about having to be the taste tester for all my experimental breads, and I knew this loaf in particular was one of his favorites.

Jake didn't say much. Instead he watched quietly as I worked. The bread sizzled when I placed it on the hot griddle and the most delicious aroma began to fill the kitchen as the bread cooked. The sound of the whisk beating the eggs in the bowl was strangely soothing and peaceful. I checked the toast and when it was golden brown I flipped them and then poured the egg mixture into the skillet. I worked quickly trying to be sure everything would be finished at the same time. Breakfast was almost ready when I realized I hadn't said a word to Jake since he sat down. I usually got lost in my mind when I was cooking, and not much could pull me from my thoughts when I was in that mode. I had just poured the eggs into a serving dish and pulled the toast hot of the griddle when Charlie appeared in the kitchen.

"Something smells good!" he cheered.

"You're telling me!" Jake agreed.

Just then the oven timer dinged indicating the turkey sausage patties were done as well.

In attempt to make my breakfast a little more impressive I set the table with real plates and flatware instead of paper and plastic. Charlie noted the difference causing me to blush.

"It would be difficult to slice the toast on paper." I defended. Charlie and Jacob exchanged a look as if to say 'yeah right!'

I set the food on the table feeling a sense of pride despite their teasing.

"Breakfast is served!" I stated cheerfully.

After the first bite the teasing stopped. The expression on their faces was priceless and I ate basking in the joy of my triumph. Jacob downed six slices easily. Charlie stopped at four. I, however, was having trouble finishing my second. We chatted lightly over breakfast and even Charlie joined in the conversation. It was one of the most enjoyable meals I had had with my father since coming to Forks.

"Bells, I have to say that was the best French toast I've ever had!" Jacob shook his head, his mouth too full of food to talk, in agreement.

"You two are just biased." I said, but inwardly I was on cloud nine.

After breakfast Jacob helped me with the dishes and Charlie got ready to go fishing for the day.

"Well Jacob," Charlie started, sounding serious. "I'm really glad to see you are doing so much better so soon."

"Thank you Charlie." Jake said politely.

"Things could have turned out a lot worse, you know."

"Yes sir, I know."

I could tell what was coming next by the awkward look on Charlie's face and I cringed inwardly.

"Jacob, you're a swell young man, and Billy is a good friend of mine," he started, and I saw Jacob look at me out of the corner of his eye. I just smiled and shrugged as I continued to put dishes back in the cabinet. Charlie continued. "but don't ever let me catch you getting Bella on one of those death machines, you understand?"

Jacob stifled a laughed. "Yes sir. I wouldn't dream of it." He smirked. Thankfully, Charlie missed the grin and shook his head as though he accepted Jacob's promise.

"Alright then. Well then Bells, I should be back around sunset."

"Have fun, be careful."

With that he slipped out the door. It was then that I was vividly aware of the fact we were alone. I had been alone with Jacob countless times before, so why this time it felt so different I wasn't sure. _Yeah right Bella_, I thought. _You know exactly why this feels different. _

Jake finished drying the last dish and placed it in the cabinet. I tried to act as normal as possible though my heart was racing in my chest. Because I was so lost in my thoughts I nearly jumped out of my skin when Jacob finally broke the silence.

"So…" he said.

"So?" I said nervously. _Why are you nervous? It's just Jacob_.

"So what do you want to do?"

_Kiss you._ My arm slipped off the counter I was leaning against and I nearly fell in the floor. Okay, that thought was weird and unexpected! Definitely not going with that one!

"Whoa, you ok?" he said holding his hand out to steady me. I cringed away from his hand, not wanting to touch him. I doubted this new swooning feeling I had when his skin met mine would help much with my current sanity.

"Yeah, fine. Just, clumsy ole me, you know." I laughed nervously. _Cut it out already! You sound like a giddy little school girl!_ Even though that was very close to how I actually felt right now.

I thought about what he said trying to get my thoughts back on track. It felt as though it had been forever since I was able to do something other than sit around waiting and moping. It seemed as though with Jake here there was a whole world of opportunity of things to do and I just couldn't decide. My indecision must have been evident on my face and Jake grinned at me.

"It's not that hard of a question, Bella, don't strain yourself." He teased.

"Well, I don't know. You are the one who has been cooped up for the past two weeks, what would you like to do?"

"Well, I am under strict orders to not allow you on a motorcycle again." He grinned and I laughed. "I've got it!" he said suddenly. "What about hiking? We haven't done that in a while." Though my original reasons for wanting to go on all those hiking excursions _no longer existed _the thought of spending the afternoon in the woods just Jake and me sounded refreshing. After all, I had been cooped up in the house too waiting to hear from Embry for the past two weeks, and getting outside for some fresh air sounded nice.

"Okay." I agreed. "Where?" I had no desire to ever see the meadow again; I was trying my best to move past that part of my life, so I was hoping that wasn't his plan.

"I have somewhere in mind. You've never been there before, I want it to be a surprise." He smiled wildly.

"Okay." I was a little unsure, but as long as I was with Jacob, I didn't care where we went.

"You'll need to pack a lunch." He instructed. He walked into the hall towards the front door.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"I'll be back in thirty minutes. "Can you be ready to go then?"

"Yes."

"Then I will see you in a bit." He leaned forward brushing his lips gently on the top of my head making my thoughts all cloudy again. Before I had time to process what was going on he disappeared out the front door.

With Jake gone I stood dumbfounded in the foyer for a moment before slapping myself back into reality…literally. I went back into the kitchen and began preparing sack lunches for both of us. I emptied my back pack of school supplies and placed our lunch inside. I looked at the clock and only ten minutes had passed. I went to my room and slipped on and a fleece sweater over what I already had on for extra warmth. I didn't know where we were going but I did know I did not want to be cold. I pulled out my hiking boots from the back of the closet and put them on over extra thick socks; I certainly did not want any blisters again. I glanced at the clock again, another ten minutes. Time was dragging by. I paced the room then decided to pull my hair back just to give myself something to do. Just as I was descending the stairs I saw Jacob coming in the front door. He too had changed into dark jeans and a long sleeve navy shirt.

"Hey, you ready?" he said.

"Yeah, sure. Just let me get my pack." I said indicating to my bag in the floor.

"Did you think we were going camping or something?" he said teasingly. "Looks like you got enough food in there for a week!"

"Well, I am packing for a werewolf, remember?" I said enticing a laugh from him.

"Ok, let's go."

A few minutes later we were in the truck, Jacob driving since he wouldn't tell me where we were going.

"So you aren't going to tell me where we are going?" I asked.

"Not a chance." He grinned. "You'll see."

He took my hand in his and rested our hands in his lap. To him it was obviously nothing unusual, but it nearly made my heart stop. Why was I all the sudden having this reaction to Jacob? I couldn't explain it, nor could I control it, as much as I wanted to. I felt my face flush and I starred out the passenger side window to hide my burning cheeks from his view. It was then that I noticed where we were at. The same place we had come to ride the bikes.

"I thought you said you were taking me somewhere I hadn't been before?"

"You haven't."

"Well, unless you've forgotten, we have been here at least a dozen times before." I noted.

Jacob laughed. "I'm not taking you here, miss impatient." He parked the truck in the shade of the trees and got out. I hesitantly scooted across the seat and stumbled out of the truck using the door to steady myself. I reached for my pack and slung it over my shoulder before slamming the door behind me. Despite my best effort I couldn't hide my distaste at this situation…I hated surprises.

He stared at me with a grin on his face and then stretched out his hand for me to take.

"Come on," he smiled, "I promise you'll love it."

Jacob's POV

Bella stood there looking completely uncomfortable and undecided. I knew how much she hated surprises, which made this little adventure all the more thrilling. I stared at her in amusement watching an array of emotions play on her face. Finally a small smile spread across her face, though I could tell it was forced, and she took my hand.

"Ok" she said, "lead the way."

I headed down the gravel road towards the start of the trail. It had been so long since I had actually used a trail. And in truth, I knew a much shorter way to where we were headed, but I figured with Bella it would be best to stick to a trail. My suspicions were confirmed as soon as we reached the trailhead and Bella tripped. Before I even knew what was happening I felt her hand jerk out of mine and then she was face down on the ground. I suppressed a laugh and reached down to help her up.

"Crap!" she muttered under her breath.

"Are you alright?" I said reaching under her arm and pulling her to her feet again.

"Yeah…" she sighed, frustration clear in her tone. She had caught herself with her hands and I took them in mine to examine them. No damage done, thankfully, yet I brought her palms to my face and kissed each of them lightly. I kept catching myself just looking for any reason to kiss her, to touch her, to just be near her. I felt drawn to her. Something inside me longed to be closer to her every minute. Bella stared at me wide eyed as if shocked by my action. I averted her gaze and dropped her hands.

"Watch your step." I teased lightheartedly.

"Right." She stammered.

I led the way into the woods. We walked in silence for a while and I used the time to try and clear my head. It was obvious things between Bella and me had changed...or had they? She hadn't tried to pull away when I tried to kiss her in the living room earlier, nor did she pull her hands away from me just now. And the look on her face when I lowered her hands was…smitten? Or was it? And what did that mean, if it meant anything at all, or was I reading too much into it? Did she really want a different kind of relationship with me, or was I forcing it on her, seeing what I wanted to see? Should I ask her, or would that be too forward, awkward? Suddenly I felt so uncertain about everything I was so sure of when I woke up this morning. My close call with death had made me realize just how intense and deep my feelings were for Bella. There was no doubt in my mind, or my heart, that I loved her. But it was more than that. Love didn't seem to justify what I felt for Belle. Cherish, adore? Maybe, but those words didn't seem to be enough either. Bella was my life now; my life, my every breath, my death even. It was as plain and simple as that and there was nothing I was more sure of, and nothing mattered more in the world to me than her. I wanted her, needed her in my life. Lost in my thoughts I hadn't heard Bella calling my name until she was practically shouting at me.

"Hello, earth to Jacob Black?!"

"Sorry," I smirked, "I guess I was just daydreaming."

"Where are we going?"

"I told you, it's a surprise. You have to be patient!" I insisted. She stuck her bottom lip out in mock pout and I almost came undone. "It's not too much further ahead, I promise."

"So what happened to you?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"At Dr. Birmingham's?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Embry made it sound like you were pretty bad…" she trailed off taking a deep breath. "Like, maybe you weren't going to make it or something." She couldn't hide the sadness or concern in her tone. "Then all the sudden you appear out of no where and you look like nothing ever happened to you at all."

Oh. "It wasn't as bad as Embry made it out to be." I lied. "I'm fine."

"Well, I can see that now. But Jake, they said she nearly killed you…"she trailed off again her voice trembling and this time I turned to face her on the trail. I didn't expect to see tears in her eyes nor did I expect what the sight of that did to me. I felt my heart break just a little and I had the sudden urge to do something, anything to take away the pain in her eyes.

"Hey." I said as soothingly as I could. I took her face in my hands and used my thumbs to wipe the tears that had spilled over onto her soft cheeks. "Hey." I said again, but she refused to meet my gaze. "I'm right here Bells, and I'm fine." She shook her head harshly causing me to release my hands from her face.

"But you could have been killed Jacob, right? You'd be dead right now if it weren't for your unnatural ability to heal so fast?"

"But I'm not…" I tried to interrupt her.

"Don't lie to me Jake!"

"Why does it even matter now?"

"You almost died Jake!" she yelled.

I was at a total loss as to where all this was coming from. Why did it matter what could have happen when after all has been said and done and I was fine?

"Bella," I started, shaking my head in confusion.

"Jacob," she cut in. "I could have lost you. And it would have been entirely my fault!"

Bingo. So that's what all this was about.

"Bella, don't do that. It was not your fault."

"Yes, it was! Everything that has happened has been my fault!"

"Bella…"

"You never wanted to be what you are Jake. And you are a werewolf because of me."

"No, I became a werewolf because of the vampires." I interjected.

"Vampires that left because of me. And it should have ended there, but it didn't. You could have been free from all this, but Victoria came back because of me. And she tried to kill you because of me, and nearly succeeded." She ran out of breath then and sat on a log that had fallen on the trail. I sighed heavily then went to take a seat next to her.

"Bella, please, don't blame yourself for this. Victoria is dead now, and she will never be coming back to hurt you, or me, ever again. You are safe now and that is all that matters. And if I had to get a little roughed up to make that happen then I would do it all over again in an instant, Bella. I would do anything to protect you."

"Jake, I don't want you to have to protect me…not at the cost of your own life."

My heart sank at her words. Did she have any clue how much she really meant to me? I wanted so much to express to her how deep my feelings were, but I didn't. It could be too soon and I didn't want to push her too far so soon. Instead, I just took her hand in mine like I always did. There was clearly no compromise that was going to be made right now so I just let it go.

"Come on." I said standing to my feet and pulling her up behind me. "We are almost there."

We walked the rest of the way in silence. We got to the bottoms of the cliff a few minutes later. Bella looked around curiously when I stopped. Finally her eyes landed on my amused expression.

"Are we here?" she asked.

"Not quite." I smiled.

"The trail ends here…." She said looking around in confusion. Bella eyes wandered up the forty foot wall of the cliff and understanding spread across her face. "We're not…"

Without giving her another moment to consider it I snatched her up into my arms pressing her against my chest and instinctively she wrapped her arms around me.

"Hold on tight." I laughed.

"Jake, no, don't!" but I was already climbing the wall. Within a few seconds and without fault, we were standing at the top of the cliff, Bella's fingers digging into my back as she clung to me. I laughed.

"You can let go now."

Bella slowly untangled herself from me then turned around to see the view that was now before us. Atop the cliff was a beautiful stretch of land covered in thick green grass with a few trees scattered about. A hundred yards from where we stood the cliff dropped off again into the ocean and a slight breeze carried a salty aroma. The clouds had cleared out and warm rays of sunshine shone down making the setting even more beautiful. With the sky so clear you could see out over the ocean for miles and behind us forest as far as the eye could see. Bella face dropped as she looked around us in disbelief.

"Jake, it's beautiful!"

I couldn't help but smile. "I knew you'd like it."

"I do, it's….unbelievable! How did you find this place?"

"I just found it one day when I was roaming around. The only way up here is to climb that wall, so I can't imagine there are too many people who have ever been here before."

"So where did the fire pit come from?" she said indicating to a fire pit dug into the ground halfway through the field.

"I did that."

"When?"

"A couple months ago, after I first found this place. I started coming here a lot and staying real late. Sometimes I even slept up here. So I figured it would be nice to have a place to build a fire."

"It is nice." She said, walking out into the field. I couldn't help but stare at her. In the sunlight her skin was luminous. She had her hair pulled back into a loose bun exposing her long neck in a way I hadn't seen before and the sight was breath taking. It was all I could do to keep my eyes on her face and not the enticing sight of her exposed neckline. Bella deserved better than that. Better than someone who would gawk at her like she was something to eat. If anything I wanted to make her feel like she was someone to be cherished, treated as something precious. I composed myself and cleared my throat as I followed her to the center of the field where the fire pit was. On the ground there I had spread out a few blankets.

"Have these been here since the last time you stayed up here?" she laughed.

"No, I came up here a bit ago to set things up when I left you at your house."

"You did all this in that short time you left me at Charlie's?" she asked skeptically. I simply nodded my head.

"Well, that was fast." She stated.

I shrugged. " I ran."

"Right." She laughed, throwing her pack onto the blankets. She stretched her arms above her head taking in the sun. Again, it was all I could do to keep my eyes off her mid drift that was now exposed with her shirt being slightly raised. _Get control of yourself you mutt!_ I silently scolded myself. Bella turned and smiled at me her whole fast lit up and flushed from the sun, and she was absolutely stunning.

"So," she said, "what now?"


End file.
